Transcription of Eileen Doyon for the show Healing through Writing #158
Dr. Lisa: This is Dr. Lisa Belisle, and you are listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast. Show number 158, Healing Through Writing. Airing for the first time, on Sunday September 21st, 2014.
Life can be challenging at times, techniques such as writing can help us deal with grief, sadness, anger, and other emotions that may arise during these times. Today, we speak with Eileen Doyon, author and publisher of the Unforgettable Faces & Stories series, and Grammy nominated singer song writer, Cidny Bullens.
Feature from share their stories, and describe the ways, in which writing has helped them heal. We know you’ll enjoy our conversations with Eileen and Cidny. Thank you for joining us.
Today in the studio, we have with us, an individual who spent a lot of time working on her own issues around grief, and loss, and mourning, and turn it into something wonderful and beautiful. Eileen Doyon is the author of Unforgettable Faces & Stories series. Which helps those who’ve loss a love one in life, the grief, and remember the people in their lives.
Thanks so much for coming in.
Eileen: Thank you for having me, Lisa.
Dr. Lisa: I have these books with me, and I remember when you first sent them along, and I think one of them is relatively new, which one is your most recent on?
Eileen: Best Friends.
Dr. Lisa: We have Dedications: Dads & Daughters, we have Keepsakes: Treasures from the Heart and we have Best Friends: Forever and Ever. I remember reading through all the stories in this series of books, and being amazed that people would be willing to tell their stories so openly, were you surprised by this?
Eileen: Not really, that’s why I expect it, and that’s what I wanted to be on this Lisa. Because I think it gave them an opportunity to do healing. Even from my own experience, that’s what I achieved and that’s what I was encouraging in and trusting that others would achieve at the same time.
Dr. Lisa: Tell me about your experience.
Eileen: My experience. I loss my dad to lung cancer back in March of 2011. My father was very dear near to my heart. I was daddy’s little girl. We had a very tight relationship, and I had lost my mom and my brother back in 1981, a few months apart from each other. I don’t really think I had time to grief, and really didn’t understand what the grieving process was if you will at 23.
As I have gotten wiser, and my relationship with my father, it just really took me for a loop if you will. I was a very depressing, a very dark time in my life, and I was smart enough to know that I was hurting, and that I needed help, and I started doing research on the Internet, obviously in the world we lived in Lisa.
It told me to start writing a journal, which I did. I started writing a journal but it wasn’t enough for me. I got very bored with it, because I need to have a lot, of activity or to pour my heart into something I do it if you will. Then I said, “Well, I’m going to write a book about my dad. Because I’m very …” My dad was in the military, and I don’t know how much you want me to get into that right now.
I didn’t find out … I always knew he was in the military, and he was part of the greatest generation, if you will from World War II. They never talked about being in the war. My dad served in World War II, and that’s all we knew, and that he was where the battle where they raised the flag, and that’s all we ever knew growing up as kids.
I said, “Well I’ll write a book about my dad, being in the war.” The only person’s going to read that book is me, and my husband. Then, I started going through some of my father papers, and I found out that my father, at 17 years young, joined the military along with his three older brothers, he was the last one.
He was the only one to see foreign service, foreign soil into fight on, in combat, and he was in Iwo Jima. I don’t know how familiar you are with Iwo Jima, but the battle was supposed to be over in 24 hours, 48 max. It ended up being there for 36 days. My father served, 31 days out of the 36 when he was 17.
I really felt compel to do something in honor if you will, of him in of our military, and that’s what gave me the idea to do a book, compiling stories, of others daughters of paying tributes if you will to their dads, because I felt, if I feel like that. There has to be other people out there Lisa that feel the same way.
Dr. Lisa: The dog tags, his dog tags became very important to you.
Eileen: It did. Unbeknownst to me, the home that my father grew up in, obviously everyone wouldn’t moves, and goes out. The … My aunt, had passed away, and I received this little package in the mail, and I open it up and unbeknownst to me, was my father’s dog tag in this medal. They did the dog tags back then, they were brass, and not metal.
This one is for my church, but anyway, I received that, and this medal with photographs, were actually taken in Iwo Jima, when my father served over there, with notes of his father on the back of the photographs. I was just overwhelmed for obvious reasons, and they just really helped me connect, and to continue my dealings with healing of the loss of my dad if you will.
Dr. Lisa: It must have been interesting to go back and think about your father as a 17 year old, and as a 17 year old fighting in the military.
Eileen: I was a senior in high school, 17 years young. Most of the women that I reached out to, were coming from the small town in upstate New York, Fort Edward. We all grew up together if you will, and so most of our dads, served back in World War II and to talk to them, most of them had never had never done the same thing either Lisa.
A lot of them didn’t have anything of their fathers from the military. One of them did, and we were always like, “Why did that happen?” I encourage everyone if they have family, whether if its an uncle, brother, grandfather to encourage them to find out about the service. My father just made a few comments right before he died, about being in the war.
I think that they kind of do that, just to unload themselves if you will in their last days.
Dr. Lisa: You said, you’re from Fort Edward in upstate New York, you lived in Fort Smith right now.
Eileen: I lived in Fort Smith New Hampshire.
Dr. Lisa: You’re a member of the Peace Greeter from Fort Smith.
Eileen: I am, are you familiar with the program?
Dr. Lisa: I am, but I’m not sure everybody who’s listening is.
Eileen: It’s a wonderful organization, that was started many years ago. 2001 by, a couple of veterans and we lived right behind Pease, the Air Force base if you will. We love to hear the planes come in, especially the military ones. What it is, I do have blog on my website that goes into it, a little bit more in depth, but we do what we call the hero walk.
It’s scheduled so that when troops come in, or go out, what happens is when they go overseas, or when they come back from overseas, they stop in Fort Smith for refueling. It’s the first stop, one of the first side handful areas, being or being another one of where the troops stop for a fuel.
They have a flight schedule, and Danny and I attend as many as we can, and what happens is they have no idea what’s going on. The plane lands, and they come through, and there’s hundred of people sometimes, there’s little kids holding flags, and people bring their dogs, service dogs, that’s a whole another are that I recently got into, with Pet Tales.
What we do is whenever service at they are, they play their theme song if you will, and then we just greet and share them, shake their hand, tell them thank you, there is businesses in the area that donate food, coffee. People that make sandwiched and just whatever for them there’s a local communication company that donates phone, so that they can call, and they are just so overwhelmed.
To watch their faces, when they come over just to say thank you is just incredible. Going over, when these soldiers are going over, to a little bit of a different mode, but that’s okay because they’re doing a job, and we have a job to do for them as well. I could tell you hundreds of stories of different things that happened.
There was one mom that was there, as a greeter her, and she didn’t even know her son was on that plane, and she saw him walk around the corner, and it was just incredible, just incredible.
Dr. Lisa: What is it about making the human connection, for you, that’s so important, whether it is gathering to gather these stories in the books, or whether it is being a Pease Greeter. I mean you seem like someone, who really wants to make those connections, that’s really important to you.
Eileen: It is. A lot in the military, it’s … Your path is always laid out in front of you, but you have to choose to walk down that path if you will, and you have different time periods in your life, and I feel like this is my road that I’m following and the military has been a big part of my life.
I will tell you that I’m very embarrassed and ashamed to a certain degree that I never thank my father for his service to the country, to our country. He served, 44 years, and he did the Asian Pacific Theater tour. There are so many people that were both men and women, that were never thanked.
We owe so much to our military, for their dedication for what they do for us. My mission is to thank as many people as I can, thank as many veteran as I can however, I can do that Pease. A lot, even in Keepsakes even though I have my grandmother chandelier, and some other people have some other items, there’s a gentleman that I went to school with, that has his dad’s US Marine Corps pin.
He does a tribute to his dad, on the military side. In Best Friends, I have a gentlemen his picture is on the front cover if you will, Bernie, he’s a air medic, and he was the captain there, and he was on the front lines in Afghanistan, he was stationed there for 18 months. He wrote a story about Roger who took his place, when he was coming back.
When the cover comes out in your book, you get it ahead of time, and it’s approve. I’ve sent it out to everyone to let them know their cover was approved. He showed it to Roger, Roger started to cry. Roger suffers from PTSD, and Bernie is like, “Roger why are you crying?” He said, “I never knew I was your best friend, no one ever had that caring for.”
I think in the world that we live in. We’re so … You have this on your website, we’re so connected, to all of this, electronic equipment. We’re missing the human touch, and I think sometime, we as people forget about the human touch if you will. It so important to have that, and I learned that especially probably the 2 years of my dad before he died, just going through everything, and they said that touch is so important especially to older people, senior citizen, and to people that are dying.
I think that’s my mission that I’m trying to do is just to make a difference in a small way, but it’s important to me.
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Dr. Lisa: I’m sure that this, the work that you’re doing with these books, brings up a lot of emotions in people. It sounds like it brings a lot of emotions and you to think about your own time spent writing. Do you think that’s part of what you’re hoping to do is to help people through their own pain?
Eileen: I am, that is true Lisa. I think when I look back when I lost my mom and my brother. I never really, what I did, is I threw myself into work. I think a lot of people do that. I did see a counselor, but there are books out about healing, and going through death. Everyone is so different, and their dynamics of their life is so different.
You have to figure it out for yourself. I don’t think I really had an opportunity to do that, so when my father death was so traumatic, especially because I was so close to him. I really feel that I can help someone go through that pain as well. With Dedication: Dads & Daughter, I have one girl that I went to school with, Patty.
She has a huge family, and her dad was in the military, and she gathered all this information, and all this stuff about her father. She’s like, “Oh my God Eileen.” She said, “I’m giving these books to my kids, my grandkids, my sister, my brothers.” Because you have all this information around Lisa, but no one compiles it together, so it’s all in one place. I think to know that your loved one, whether it was a path, or your dad, or your mom, or your brother.
You have something that’s tangible, that you can touch it’s not like you post at something on the Internet. I think that for us as people makes more meaning. I have another girl, her name was Christie Gardner. She actually is from Lewiston, Maine and she was in the army. She, is disabled now, and she had a spinal chord injury, and some other injuries. And I had seen her information on Facebook, and she now has a service dog, named Maxie.
I connected with her to do a story in my book, I feel like I’m being led down this road. She play a sled hockey for the USA Warriors team, and Danny and I went up to Portland … Not to Portland, Lewiston. We met her, we have taken her dad up to, his dad up to a hockey game. We’re going down tonight, to Massachusetts to watch them compete.
I have another gentleman that is blind, and what he does, Randy Pierce, he climbs mountains, and he goes around to high schools, and he speaks to the students there, and gives them inspiration, and goals, just to set no limits, with that types of things. Each of my book, what I’m doing is, I’m donating to a particular charity, that goes along with that title if you will.
Like Wounded Warriors is for Dedication: Dads & Daughters obviously. Pet Tales is going to be the NEADS, Keepsakes is cancer. I’m trying to really help everybody if you will. I think with that, when people write paper, they feel things more and it helps them to get everything out, and give them a better direction if you will, and their healing process.
Sometimes people have fun writing down, and sharing memories, and things like that. Some people make it a team effort which is always fun. I like to hear that story, rewarding obviously, selfishly, but it’s rewarding in a good way.
Dr. Lisa: In these books, the unforgettable faces and stories series. As you said, you have Dedications: Dads & Daughters. You have Best Friends: Forever & Ever, and Keepsakes: Treasures from the Heart. These are all books that you have created out of a collection of stories that people have sent to you. It’s not always easy to get people to send a story, even if they say they want to send a story, sometimes it’s harder than it maybe should be.
Eileen: It is challenging, which surprises me to a little bit Lisa. When you think about people in general, we all have very hectic crazy lives, and people always have good intentions, but sometimes, people want to write things, and sometimes it hurts too much, and that’s okay, I understand, it’s not just their time right now. I think because I motivated enough, and I understand where they coming from, I try to work with people as best I can and I just keep going to the next person to write.
I would love to be … I would love to have 50 stories in each of my book, and I will someday, I have no doubt in my mind, as we get more exposure, and as I go on to other titles that people might say, “Oh gee, I think I like to write in that, in that series.”
Dr. Lisa: That’s what occurred to me is that, in dealing with patients. I know that sometimes they’re ready to tell their stories, and that sometimes they’re not, sometimes they think they’re ready to tell their story, but they’re just not quite there. I think it’s admirable that you have that … You less understanding, that it’s just may not be their time.
Eileen: I think, because I’ve walked that walk, and that’s okay. That’s okay.
Dr. Lisa: That’s another important point, is that, it is all okay, that we’ve grieve in our own way, and our own timeline, and we might have the “stages of grieve” that have been put out there by the people that know. We may not always fallen to a certain stage, or a certain time, and it’s all okay.
Eileen: It is, and I have one of the woman that had written a story, in Dedication: Dads & Daughters. It was the anniversary date of her father’s death, and of course she on Facebook, and people post things and someone had said, “Karen get out your tribute that you wrote, that you wrote on your dad, about your dad.”
She did that, and she just said, “Wow, it just really makes you feel better. It’s okay, and I love that feeling about the books, and what people gets out of it. There’s a lot of topics that I have ideas in my mind and I just get excited to do them. The next one I want to do is Letters to Heaven. I think that is going to be phenomenal.
Dr. Lisa: We will be waiting for that. What do people find out about your book series?
Eileen: Thank you for asking. I do have a Facebook page obviously, Unforgettable Faces & Stories that they can like, and I keep updated information about that. I do have a website, unforgettablefacesandstories.com and all of my information is on there, a little history, all the books, all the events.
It’s just a wealth of information. I have a friend, Kirsten Larsen at LarsenEdge Marketing that’s been a wonderful partner and a wonderful help to me because she gets me. I think that’s very important for it to work with someone that gets you, that understands the message you’re trying to relay because sometimes, I can’t describe exactly but she understands. She’s done a fabulous job on my website.
My next book, Pet Tales, is later to be released the end of May, which I’m very, very excited about.
Dr. Lisa: I know you’re doing a great job and everybody that you’ve touched I think has been blessed by the work that you’ve undertaken. I’m sure your father would be very proud of you.
Eileen: Yeah, I think so too. I think so too.
Dr. Lisa: I encourage people to look into the Unforgettable Faces & Stories series, to go to your website. We’ve been speaking with Eileen Doyon, the author of the Unforgettable Faces & Stories Series, which helps those who have lost a loved one in life to grieve and remember the people in their lives. Thanks so much for coming in.
Eileen: Thank you very much, Lisa.