Transcription of Wholehearted Living #126
Dr. Lisa: This is Dr. Lisa Belisle and you are listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast. Show number 126, wholehearted living, airing for the first time on Sunday, February 9, 2014. Today’s guest include interior designer Jeanne Handy, founder of Jeanne Handy Interior Designs and also founder and lead instructor with Maine Belly Dance and also Andrew Kull, attorney with MittelAsen and practicing Buddhist. February is the lover’s month and a time to show our gratitude to those with whom our hearts have found connection. Equally important is to reconnect with our own hearts and show love to the selves that we are. Today, we speak with Jeanne Handy and Andrew Kull, both of whom have found and joy and peace in living wholeheartedly. We hope that you are inspired by their stories. Thank you for joining us.
In Maine, we know that people often have more than one life shall we say. It’s not just personal and professional but even sometimes two different professional lives. What I really enjoy is meeting people whose two different professional lives seems simultaneously very far apart and also strangely connected to one another. This individual that I’m speaking with today is an example of that. Today, I have Jeanne Handy, founder of Jeanne Handy Designs and also a Middle Eastern dance instructor in the studio with me. Thanks for coming in.
Jeanne: Thanks for having me. Happy to be here.
Dr. Lisa: Jeanne, it is now 2014. We’re in a new year. We thought it would be kind of interesting to talk to you about well, both of what you do, the fact that you made this decision in your life at some point, to kind of focus on these two very interesting and seemingly separate things. Tell us first how you came to that place and also you did something different before you even became a designer.
Jeanne: I did. I did. Before I was in interior design, I was actually in social services and women services particularly anti-violence. I worked for a rape crisis center, and domestic violence center, in advocacy and volunteer coordination. Coming out of college, that’s where I thought my passion was and my passion was with sort of advocating for women and lifting women. But, that field proved to be too challenging for me in the sense of leaving it for the day. It was hard for me to do that. I would find myself wrapped in it all the time, angry, sad, things like that. I thought, “Yeah, this isn’t for me. This isn’t what I’m going to do. This isn’t the way I’m going to do this.”
That was early. I was still in my early 20s and decided I didn’t know what I was going to do next so I just kind of went into some transition things and waited, and wondered, and thought. That’s when I moved to Portland in the early ‘90s and thought, “Well, I’m here. I’m going to finally learn how to Middle Eastern dance professionally.” I grew up with this as my heritage. I’m Lebanese. Because I moved here at the time, there was not a big community in the Portland area whereas I left a very big Arabic community in the Boston area. So I missed that and I was looking for a way to sort of reconnect and stay connected with my heritage. I remember talking to my mother and saying, “I’m going to find a belly dance teacher.” She said, “In Maine?” I said, “Yes. I’m going to,” and I did.
I found a great teacher and started studying it professionally as opposed to just a social dance. It’s occurred to me as I got more and more into the dance that this was the way that was I was going to continue to lift women because Middle Eastern belly dance and its really true form. Its classic form is all about honoring the feminine and honoring your body and the power of your body, birthing in particular but not only birthing, just everything that we have. The center of creativity being in the center of our body and our root power coming from there, and just being aware of it and truly living this life through your body, through your senses, and sort of taking that gift and celebrating it, having fun with it.
I thought, “There, now I can do what I found my goal to be and also stay connected to my heritage,” which was at the time was very important to me. Design came soon after that. I really think it was because finding that opened me up to what else I really wanted to do which is that other piece of creativity for me. It really was fate. I, again, found another amazing teacher. My sister heard of a job opportunity, which was actually an office management with an amazing interior designer, Christine Macklin. She said to me, “I know you’re so interested in design. My husband and I had bought old properties that were decrepit. We did what we needed to do to bring them back, did a lot of research on their history, their period, all of that kind of thing.
I was so inspired by that. She said, “You too would probably be really nice fit and you should talk to her.” I called her and asked her if I could interview for her position. She interviewed me and I was really honest. I said, “I can do what you need done but what I really want is to learn your business.” She said, “You know, I’ve been doing this for, I think at the time, it was like 25 years and I have never taught anyone. I would like to do that.” She was an amazing teacher. We arranged for an apprenticeship. I apprenticed with her for three years.
It was fantastic. The philosophy she taught me about design is still a big part of my philosophy in design. I learned so much from her. I feel like if you go with the flow, you’re usually going in the right direction, right? That’s how I got into the field and I just sort of made a decision that I wasn’t going to allow myself to be defined by one thing. So, I’m going to let myself do both of these things and it took me a while to get to a place where I felt like I’m not going to hide one thing for the other. What I found was the client I attract in the design business is the client that thinks it’s really cool that I do this other thing. That’s important because for me good design is knowing your client as a whole person. It’s not just their aesthetic. It’s who they are, how they live, what’s important to them.
Dr. Lisa: It’s interesting to think about belly dance and Middle Eastern dance. I want to make sure I’m using the right terms here.
Jeanne: Middle Eastern dance.
Dr. Lisa: Yeah.
Jeanne: I’m not offended by belly dance. Some people are but it really is because the focus is in your belly but you do use your whole body.
Dr. Lisa: Okay. Well, Middle Eastern dance, I will call it because I don’t want to offend anybody. It’s interesting to think about that and the idea that we’re going to sort of promote the joy of living within our bodies and existing within our bodies. Also the simultaneous recognition that things have been going on politically in the Middle East which has been kind of the opposite of that, instead of promoting the joy of having the feminine form. It’s really all about kind of shrouding the feminine form. I’m not speaking specifically to Lebanon but I think it’s been pretty widely recognized that we’re going somewhere else with that. How has that felt to you to see what’s going on, just in general?
Jeanne: Yeah. It’s a very good point and it’s brought up a lot. I will say this. The women, most of the women who you see shrouded are very aware of their bodies. I would say even more so than most western women. They’re aware of the power of their bodies. They’re aware of sensuality and sexuality, and all of the beautiful things that can come with it. The difference is they keep it among women. They still honor the different things that happen in women’s lives and women’s bodies which I think we don’t do here. In terms of honoring when you start your menstrual cycle, honoring when you age or when you have a baby or any of those things. They still do that.
I will also say that not all Middle Eastern people are of the same religion obviously. The dance crosses all the religions. Now, in the public eye and in some of those countries like in Egypt for example, you aren’t allowed to show your belly even as a belly dance performer but showing your belly came from the West. Historically, Middle Eastern dance performers didn’t start baring their midriff until sort of Orientalism. When it was introduced into this country and in Europe, it was introduced in a way that was really misunderstood about what the dance was really about.
Tourists began to expect a certain thing when they went to the Middle East and saw our performers and the answer was okay. So this costume that bares your midriff and they are very revealing now, came from here as opposed to came from there. You’ll find like in historic pictures of dancers they’re in full dresses, fully covered because not so much about baring your skin as it is about the movement itself.
Dr. Lisa: That’s an interesting point that you bring up that even though what we may see, it’s two interesting points. One that not all Middle Eastern countries are the same and so there are differences in how women dress and differences in how women dance. That’s important to remember and differences in religion obviously. But then also that just because we may see that women are now and oftentimes asked to cover themselves that they still maintain this really important identity that we don’t see. It doesn’t mean that they’ve been forced sort of underground, it just means that we don’t have the same access to it that other people might.
Jeanne: Right. I would say that some of it is forced underground. I’m speaking secondhand though. I can’t say that I’ve had firsthand experience of that. I would say that some of the reason, it is hidden is because it’s been forced to have been hidden. It is an oppression of women and just like trying to refuse women education. Trying to refuse them the ability to honor their body is another way of holding power over rather than sharing power.
Dr. Lisa: So it’s complicated?
Jeanne: It’s very complicated. It really is.
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Dr. Lisa: As far as you’re helping women to lift themselves up to really celebrate themselves and their bodies, you yourself are a teacher. You also are a practitioner I guess, a professional in the field but you teach this. What type of women are you finding come to you to learn this type of dance?
Jeanne: All different types. It continually amazes me who shows up for class. From the range in age which is… My students over the years have been young girls to, I think, my oldest student was probably 80 or 81. She came to it I’d say when she was about 76. Everybody’s reason is different because where they are in their life is different. You know that’s kind of a given but I think most people are getting to a point and I hear more than anything is I want to reconnect with my body.
I want to acknowledge my pelvis because in this culture, we really are, the way we are trained to walk and carry ourselves, it’s very tight and held. We aren’t used to settling in to our body and just letting … if we left our hips alone, if we didn’t tell them what to do, they would sway. It’s how we’re built, you know this. They would sway. It’s comfortable but we stop it and so it’s mostly people who are wanting to reconnect with their body or either have a new relationship or a better relationship with their body.
Whereas with the younger girls who aren’t so crushed yet by that, they see it and it looks really fun. It’s what they see on TV, it is really fun. It’s flirty and it’s sparkly. It’s fun and flirting is fun. There’s nothing wrong with it when you’re doing it in your power. If you’re doing it and you’re objectifying yourself, well, that’s a shame but if you’re doing it because you first are flirting with yourself then that’s great. Beautiful things come from flirting. We all came from flirting.
Dr. Lisa: I want to ask you so many different questions about this because I have two daughters myself. I have a 17-year-old and a 12-year-old. I have a 20-year-old son. How do we get from this place of being a younger, flirtier, sparklier girl to the place where we’re holding ourselves so tightly? I mean I’ve delivered so many babies and tried to have women sort of rest in to their pelvis and let the baby just come the way it’s going to. There is this holding that happens and I see it while delivering babies even. How do we get from point A to point B? What happens to us?
Jeanne: I think that there’s so many sides to that answer. There’s so many influences that I feel make us separate ourselves from our body. I think religion has a lot, not all religions but a lot of religions put shame on the body and on women in particular but on the body in general, men as well not just women. I think the media- which is money-based, I think what was on the Colbert Report, when he said if we tell girls they’re okay, how will we sell them things they don’t need. I think that’s a big piece of it too.
I think that’s what happens. The more we get these messages that our body is something to be ashamed of and our desires are something to be ashamed of, the more separate we become from our body. And we can’t be separate. We’re not separate. Our body is what we’ve been given to live this life in and so it’s sort of just rekindling that flame sort of that warm relationship is what I’m trying to do with folks. I watch it happen. It’s amazing to me, people, their posture changes.
It’s not just a physical thing. It’s how they carry themselves from the beginning of class to the end of class. It’s different. They walk out differently than when they walked in. Then I think after a while, it becomes habit to carry yourself this way and also just a discomfort. I do believe the younger girls I’m seeing are different now than they were 15 years ago. I think their relationship with their body is better than ours was at their age. I think that has to do with where we are as adult women. What they’re learning from us, I hope that they’re not hearing the shame that we may have heard and I’m not blaming our moms.
They were a product of what they were fed, and I don’t mean food. I mean messages they were given, probably food as well sometimes. I do imagine what would it be like if we celebrated when girls started to menstruate. What if that was the norm? Instead of going, “Okay, this would have to do.” Like it’s a medical emergency or something like that. What would it be like if we acknowledge that birth was a totally natural thing that people have been doing , and animals and everything for eons and yet we’re still here?
Again, it can be but naturally it’s not a medical emergency or an illness. Pregnancy is not an illness and we treat it like it’s an illness. I think those messages as subtle as they are is what makes us go from feeling like I want to be, “This looks fun and this looks too feeling ashamed or walking small.”
Dr. Lisa: It’s 2014 and obviously men and women who are listening can benefit from having heard your story about going from being in the social services field to becoming a Middle Eastern dance instructor to simultaneously working on becoming an interior designer. They can look to you as somebody who’s brave enough to just be open and follow your path. What are the things can you suggest to people who are really thinking, “I really need to reconnect with myself. I really need to reconnect with my body and my life and my passions.” What would you say to these people who are listening right now?
Jeanne: Listen to your heart. Remove should from your vocabulary. Ask yourselves do you want to? When you’re committing to something, do you want to? I’m not, are you good at it? Is it easy for you? Do you want to? I never understand when people say, “I wish I was in college again” because for me life gets better and better. I will say I’ve continued this kind of sort of transforming path. In the past few years, I started meditating and that is amazing to me as a way to get back in touch with your hearts. You said it earlier, we’ve become so heady and part of the balance is getting back to our hearts as well.
If you can get to a quite place, however you do it, and really listen to your heart, What is your heart telling you to do? Also going with the flow so not fighting things so much. If things present themselves step into it, you can’t wait for it to happen. Going with the flow isn’t sitting back and waiting. Going with the flow is saying yes when something puts itself in front of you. Why not? That’s my favorite question. Why not? I can usually not come up with a good reason when I say why not.
Dr. Lisa: Jeanne, how can people find out about the work you’re doing as a designer with Jeanne Handy Designs or as an instructor of Middle Eastern dance?
Jeanne: I have a website which is just jeannehandydesigns.com. People can reach me through that website and they can see some of my work through that website. I have a website mainebellydance.com. People can reach me through there as well. I’m always happy to talk about either thing, because they’re both important. As you said, they seem unrelated but for me they’re not. For me, one is taking care of your soul space so your body and one is taking care of your body space which is your home. They’re both important.
It took me a long time actually to want. I’m revealing something here, but I never wanted to say I was an interior designer. I would always say I have an interior design business but I wouldn’t say I’m an interior designer because for a period I thought, “Oh, it sounds so superficial.” And I didn’t want that. Then I realized a few years ago, it’s not superficial at all. It’s really important having a space that lets you or lets me be the best that I can be is important. It was really an interesting thing. It took me a while to do that. Here I was doing this thing that I love and I was almost more embarrassed about that than I was about the thing that most people would think I would be hush-hush about but no more.
Dr. Lisa: I think a lot of people are going to be relate to that story.
Jeanne: Good.
Dr. Lisa: I think you all carry around some interesting senses of shame about very strange things. When we look at it in hindsight, we think, “I don’t know why that ever happened”
Jeanne: That’s right. That’s right.
Dr. Lisa: I’m glad you shared that story and I’m glad that you came in and talked to us today. I’m glad also that you’re helping women to kind of sink back into their bodies through Middle Eastern dance and to I guess relate more fully with their homes through the interior design work you do. We’ve been speaking with Jeanne Handy, the founder of Jeanne Handy Designs and Middle Eastern dance instructor. Thank you for being with us.
Jeanne: Thank you very much for having me.
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Dr. Lisa: I’ve had the good fortune to know many lawyers in my life and I was intrigued to learn about a lawyer who practices locally and who is also a Buddhist. A Buddhist lawyer is something I had never really thought about and definitely never met before. I thought we should bring this guy on the show because I’m intrigued by the Buddhism as well. Today, to talk about being Buddhist and also being a lawyer is Andrew Kull who is an attorney with MittelAsen right here in Portland. Thanks for coming in and being with us today.
Andrew: Thank you, Dr. Lisa. I’m happy to be here.
Dr. Lisa: This is our show that’s airing the week of Valentine’s Day. We think about connecting with each other. Valentine’s Day as being this time where we give our loved ones hearts, and candy hearts and flowers, and chocolates. The really the way that I think about love is first connecting with one’s self. I believe that this is part of what you were doing when you were exploring Buddhism.
Andrew: Yeah. Absolutely, I think the principle tenet of Buddhism as I understand it and I’m no great emissary of Buddhism but I can give you my perspective what I’ve come to understand a little bit. I’ve come to understand over the years of practicing. The difference that I see with Buddhism is that there’s this idea of a fundamental perfection that we have as human beings. The idea is that within ourselves, the very core of our being is what they called Buddha nature. We have this absolute perfection that’s inherently ours that can’t be ever changed or stained or messed up no matter what we’ve done.
So, the whole practice of Buddhism and the path of Buddhism is about letting everything else go, all of the confusion that we have on a day-to-day basis, and I know I have plenty of it but the idea is that if we can simply let that go and we can simply be then this love, compassion, kindness and joy that we have at the very core of our being can begin to shine through. It’s all about coming home to ourselves and bringing our mind home.
Dr. Lisa: You had a circuitous path to Buddhism, which you’ve been practicing for how many years now?
Andrew: I’ve been a student of Buddhism since 1999 so 14 years.
Dr. Lisa: So 14 years, prior to that it wasn’t inherently obvious that this was something that you would do. How did you come to that place?
Andrew: Well, I have Catholic roots going back on both sides of my family. I think my parents decided at a relatively early age, they didn’t want to inflict a Catholic upbringing on me. Nonetheless, I made a first communion and I have a foundation in Catholicism. Then in my early 20s, I began to explore spirituality and I had an experience where I saw that I just didn’t have any control whatsoever over my mind. I wanted to be able to sit still and just be, and my mind was all over the place. I was really surprised, I think. I think it’s probably something that I’d always had, this monkey mind.
We all have it. I still have it but I’d never seen it before. I had an experience where I was able to see just for a moment how absolutely nuts I was in so many ways. I decided that I wanted to learn to meditate and that’s how I came to Buddhism. I took meditation class and it really spoke to me. It really made sense. One of the strengths of the Buddhist lineages, there’s many different Buddhist lineages available to us, is one of the great strengths is the availability of these teachings. There are teachings about how to place our mind and how to connect with this fundamental nature, this Buddha nature that we have.
Dr. Lisa: As part of my acupuncture training, I studied five phases theory. There’s a very strong Taoist component in that and Xi Gong which I also have studied and practiced. I have simultaneously been very interested in Buddhism. I know that there’s been a rise in interests in both Taoism and Buddhism in the United States and really around the world. Have you seen this and why do you think this might be so?
Andrew: I have seen it. I know what you’re talking about. I think that the times we live in are so crazy. It’s not so much that they’re crazy. I think about it sometimes. In Buddhism, there’s this concept of past lives that we’ve lived many times and that this one life is just one of many. I don’t know. I can’t remember any past lives. I have no idea but sometimes when I think about it, I think it’s like this life right now. There’s so much experience, so much depth of experience that we have. It’s almost like I’ve lived, I don’t know how many dozens of lives. Just in this one life.
If you think about how it used to be in the old days, let’s say you were born in Portland, Maine for example 200 years ago. You might not go, if you went to Boston, it might the trip of a lifetime. Maybe there were people that would travel around more but your experience was so much more limited. Now we have so much more experience and there’s so much more going. There’s so much input. We need something to make sense of it to help us come back and really “be”, and understand a little bit about what this life is about and how to be a good person and how to be happy.
I think fundamentally for myself, we all want to be happy and my parents are wonderful. They taught me the best they can and I think they did a great job but some of these fundamental tools about where the source of happiness is and how to find that and sort of mine that out of my own being I’ve had to look elsewhere and so looking into these teachings and looking to have a practice that I can do on a regular basis, a meditation practice, is really crucial for me.
I think it’s crucial for a lot of us in this time where there’s so much input and so much confusion. Our society teaches us to look for happiness outside. If you get this car, if you get this makeover, if you do these things, if you get this job then it’ll help bring happiness where it’s fundamentally. The Buddhist teachings say, “Well, granted that external circumstances do contribute to happiness and suffering to a certain degree. I mean we need to have food. We need to have shelter. We need to have clothing.”
Fundamentally, happiness depends upon the mind and how we perceive the world. That’s something we have control over which is a revolutionary insight. If we have, for me, that’s not something I was taught as a kid. That’s something that I’ve begun to learn since I’ve gone on this spiritual journey and spiritual path. It’s something I forget all the time so I need a practice. I need a way. To get back to your question which is why has there been this rise in spiritual practice and spiritual teachings in this interest in the modern age? We really need it. There’s just so much that’s demanding our attention externally to be able to have a way to turn our mind just a little bit inward and strengthen that turning of the mind. It’s really crucial.
Dr. Lisa: As you’ve been talking, I’ve been thinking about how this parallels with what I know of Catholicism. Also having been raised Catholic, in the aspects of Catholicism and the practice of Catholicism that I found the most powerful and they were the times of contemplation. They were the times of prayer maybe even repetitive prayer through rosary. For me, the power of song was always important and then the power of community which I know is also very important in Buddhism and the whole idea of Songa. This is something that you’ve experience yourself as you’ve learned more about Buddhism.
Andrew: Yes. I agree with you. I’m a student of Tibetan Buddhism. The Tibetan tradition has an incredible richness. Some people have joked that the Tibetan Buddhism is like the Catholicism of Buddhism because there is an in-depth ritual that’s involved. The sort of expanse of Buddhist practices is very broad. It fundamentally can be from incredibly simple to this incredible richness of ritual. Yes, I agree with you, I see the parallel too with the Catholic tradition.
Fundamentally, I don’t think there’s any difference whatsoever. The experience of God through prayer in the Buddhist tradition, I’ve heard it said that Buddhists don’t believe in God as some sort of external whatever ‘being’ that’s somehow different from us. Buddhist don’t deny the nature of God. Where the rubber hits the road in any contemplative tradition is in your own experience. That’s what Buddhism is about. It’s about where the rubber hits the road in our experience as human beings is in our mind. Life, death, everything all occurs within our mind. I mean we can look outside but nonetheless, it’s our experience. That’s what we have to work with.
When you’re practicing through a prayer, it’s your experience. If you have an experience of religious experience or whatever experience of God, it’s your experience. That connection is something that’s fundamentally yours. I don’t think that changes. I think that’s a universal experience that we have that’s available to us, that’s within us, within our experience.
Dr. Lisa: The goal of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour is used to help make connections between the health of the individual and the health of the community. The goal of Ted Carter Inspired Landscapes is to deepen our appreciation for the natural world. Here to speak with us today is Ted Carter.
Ted: Some mornings, I lie in bed exhausted thinking, “Wow! Did I really sign up for all this?” I think we’ve all sort of been there where life just is a struggle sometimes. It’s long. It’s hard. It’s arduous. I also think that that’s how the human spirit is tested. I think that sometimes when we’re pushed up against a wall, that’s when our best forms of creation come out. In looking back at the most difficult projects I’ve been on, something came out of those projects that wouldn’t have otherwise come out if it was easy, I guess you might say.
I think in reflecting back on life in general, we look at life and we say, “You know, those were really difficult times but I got through it and I got to the other side. I was able to create something that was really meaningful.” It even has greater meaning in depth because of the struggle. I guess we have to say in life, we have to bless our struggles and bless the journey and make the most of everything we have and be grateful for it. I’m Ted Carter. If you’d like to contact me, I can be reached at tedcarterdesign.com.
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Dr. Lisa: One of the things that I’ve had difficulty of myself with certain religions and I think maybe it’s possible that all religions there other as this is that there is an interpretation of whatever it is scripture that’s applied to everyday life. Then there’s a judgment that takes place. There is sort of a pushing out. There’s an us and a them. There’s a good and the bad. That I found bothersome because sometimes it marginalizes people who have gone through difficult times. I’m not talking about people who have murdered people. Obviously, that’s not a good thing.
I just think there’s so many shades of gray in life to say that somebody’s evil because they’ve been divorced or somebody’s evil because they’ve broken one of the commandments. Yet there might be extenuating circumstances. I just have difficulty with that. That sense that it’s okay for us to judge other people. I think ultimately, aren’t we all trying to just connect enough so that we are able to be compassionate no matter what we see with other people who walking in the world with us.
Andrew: Yes. There’s a couple of things in your question.
Dr. Lisa: I know it’s a convoluted question. I think a lot about this so I think you and I could have lots of conversation about this for a very long time.
Andrew: There’s one thing that I thing that I think it’s important which is distinction with Buddhism and it has to do with good and bad. I think in the Judeo-Christian concept, there’s this idea that there is some good out there or some evil that they somehow exist. In Buddhism, we don’t have a separately existing concept of good and evil. What you have are our actions. Something is good if it tends to create happiness or alleviate suffering in the world. Something is negative if it creates suffering and then you have your sort of neutral actions like drinking a cup of coffee or whatever it is that don’t really create suffering or happiness although it may create happiness if it’s a really good coffee.
Dr. Lisa: Or it may create negativity if you can’t get it tomorrow and you’re addicted to coffee.
Andrew: That’s right. This concept though of this idea that there is no fundamental good and evil but yet there is this idea of karma meaning cause and effect. That everything we do has an effect in the world. We either, creating happiness and alleviating suffering or we’re causing suffering both for ourselves and for others. How do we know whether an act is positive or negative? The teachings talk about our motivation and in Tibetan, they call it ‘kun long’ which means that which gives rise to everything. That’s your motivation.
What gives rise to everything? In the scriptures, it says we are what we think. All that we are rises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. If we speak or act with pure mind then happiness follows. It’s this idea of knowing where we’re coming from. A lot of times, we really don’t know where we’re coming from. We don’t know why we’re doing things. We’re not clear about it and we get kind of muddled up in all these different motivations.
If we take a proactive approach and we try to look critically at why we’re doing something and what we’re doing, it can really help. The great thing about the Buddhist tradition is that we take into account the fact that we’re not perfect and we’re in a difficult spot as human beings. We have this suffering that we’re always experiencing because we’re fundamentally perfect. On a relative level, as we go through life, we’re pretty confused which is why we always have this difficulty, this suffering, this imperfection and so this idea of trying to look within ourselves and understand why we’re doing something and try to generate a bigger mind.
We’re always caught in this little mindset of wanting this or wanting that, wanting ourselves to be happy. It said when we can open up this mindset and look at others and see them as another you or another me that also suffers, that also has difficulty. To have this little bit of compassion and connection with that person and try to help. Dalai Lama says he’s one of the great masters of compassion in the world today. He’s an incredible inspiration to me because I think about somebody who’s seen his country just completely decimated and has seen just tremendous devastation and desolation. Yet is one of the most positive, happiest people on the planet.
He says the practice of compassion, this practice of wishing others to be free of suffering and caring, actually caring about other people like ourselves. He says I don’t know how much it actually helps them. It might but the 100% beneficiary of compassion is you because through giving rise to this compassion, this caring, this kindness, you’re actually connecting with your own Buddha nature, your own nature, this perfection that’s within you. We forget about our little mind for a second and you can actually experience happiness. It’s this tremendous gift that practicing compassion brings.
The whole point is integrating into our everyday life. We practice with our eyes open. There’s a reason why we call it spiritual practice because sitting on your cushion, yes you can practice and you can say mantras. You can say your rosary, you can make prayers, you can do all these things but the whole point is so that when you get up and you enter into your everyday life, you can have this sense of space and this sense of spiritual connection in a way that you can sow positivity in the world. You can do things like not react when difficult circumstances arise.
One of the practices of the Bodhisattva perfections, one of the practices is the practice of patience. There’s this incredible wealth of patience that is inherent within us. Yet we have this idea that patience means you have to be some sort of spiritual superman or whatever to have patience in this day and age. What’s really interesting is that sometimes patience and practice is just a split second, just giving a little bit of extra space to not react or to not jump to that conclusion.
To give a circumstance, whatever it is that you’re facing, you see somebody having a difficult time or when you encounter a situation that’s difficult in your life or in your professional career, to not jump to that conclusion. Just have this little instant, just take a breath and just look. Use your mind. Use your awareness to assess the situation. Then you can sometimes come from this a place of understanding, a place of kindness, a place of compassion and let that nature, this Buddha nature that we’ve been talking about. Just shine through just a little bit and it’s amazing how subtle that is.
That’s what having a regular practice and being able to learn and hear the spiritual teachings, we have the tremendous wealth of spiritual teachings available to us today. Whether it’s Buddhism or whether it’s in some other tradition, Taoist tradition or Hindu or any of the great living spiritual traditions, it’s fundamentally teaching us the same thing. The point of practicing any of them is to give us this fortify us. Give us some tools to go out into the everyday world and be a good person. Be happy at the same time. Enjoy being alive.
This incredible gift that we have as life, which is life, and be a human being and be alive in this day and age is really a wonderful thing. It doesn’t always feel that way. Sometimes it can be quite a burden. How to make sense of that? How to mine that wellness out of this being that we’re born with, it’s not easy to do.
Dr. Lisa: Well, I appreciate the work that you’ve done on your own life, your own following the path that you followed and you’re sharing it with us today. I think it’s something that will be very thought-provoking for people who are listening. We’ve been speaking with Andrew Kull who is practicing Buddhist and also an attorney with MittelAsen here in Portland. Thanks for coming in today, Andy and sharing your story.
Andrew: Thank you very much, Dr. Lisa. I wish you and all of your listeners a happy Valentine’s Day as well.
Dr. Lisa: You have been listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast. Show number 126, wholehearted living. Our guests have included Jeanne Handy and Andrew Kull. For more information on our guests and extended interviews, visit doctorlisa.org. The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast is downloadable for free on iTunes. For our preview of each week show, sign up for our e-newsletter and like our Dr. Lisa Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter and Pinterest and read my take on health and wellbeing on the bountiful blog. We love to hear from you so please let us know what you think of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. We welcome your suggestions for future shows.
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The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour is recorded in the studio of Maine Magazine at 75 Market Street, Portland, Maine. Our executive producers are Kevin Thomas and Dr. Lisa Belisle. Audio production and original music by John C. McCain. Our assistant producer is Leanne Quimet. Our online producer is Katy Kelleher. Become a subscriber of Dr. Lisa Belisle on iTunes. See the Dr. Lisa website or Facebook page for details. Summaries of all our past shows can be found at doctorlisa.org.