Transcription of Family Adventures, #103
Male: You’re listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast, recorded at the studios of Maine Magazine at 75 Market Street, Portland, Maine. Download past shows and become a podcast subscriber of Dr. Lisa Belisle on iTunes. See the Dr. Lisa website or Facebook page for details.
Male: The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is made possible with the support of the following generous sponsors: Maine Magazine; Marci Booth of Booth Maine; Apothecary By Design; Premier Sports Health, a division of Black Bear Medical; Dr. John Herzog of Orthopedic Specialists; Mike LePage and Beth Franklin of RE/MAX Heritage; Ted Carter Inspired Landscapes; and Tom Shephard of Shephard Financial.
Dr. Lisa: This is Dr. Lisa Belisle, and you are listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast, Show Number 103, airing for the first time on a Sunday, September 1st, 2013. Today’s show is about family adventures. Some families take the notion of a shared adventure to a whole new level. Meet the Boland-Swords and the Morris’s, two families that have made the conscious decision to spend months together in unfamiliar countries and unchartered waters, and have learned much about the World and one another in the process.
I love adventuring with my family, whether it is climbing the trails of Acadia with my daughters or exploring the gritty urban streets of Guatemala City with my son. I relish the opportunity to experience new settings with my kids. Taken out of our natural habitat, we can’t help but learn more about ourselves and one another.
Recently, while on vacation, I woke early to take sunrise photographs with my travelling companion and his sons. Our journey began in semi-darkness. Our words were few as sleep slowly left our bodies. We carefully made our way to an oceanside cliff, where we raised our cameras to the horizon. The sun did not disappoint. It climbed above the pine shadowed islands and cast its brilliance over the bay, bringing with it a magenta glow that could be seen reflected in each of our faces.
Spiritually, or at least photographically, sated, we returned to the car and drove back to town. Still early, we waited until our favorite restaurant opened and breakfasted together. Kindred spirits, we found ourselves, despite our diversity of years, united in our desire to experience the purity of a sunrise moment. This shared adventure of a family enriched us all.
On this week’s show, we meet families who have chosen to engage in many shared moments. Michael Boland and Deirdre Swords, proprietors of Havana and the Artemis Gallery, and Cuyler Morris, owner of Morris Yachts. Their experiences have enriched their lives in ways both foreseen and not. Sometimes, it is the adventures more than our everyday lives that shape us. The only way to know whether this may be so is to attempt the adventures, and bring our children along in the process. We hope you enjoy our show, and hope it contributes to your own family adventures. Thank you for listening.
Anyone who’s ever been to Bar Harbor, Maine, and wanted to go to one of the best restaurants in the area that there is has probably been to Havana. If you haven’t and you’re listening, you need to because the individuals who create Havana, include Michael Boland and his wife, Deirdre Swords, have really made something very special up in that area. They also are doing something very special with their children on a yearly basis, and that is exploring the World in a very different way. That is what we’re going to talk about today. So, thank you for coming in and having a conversation with us.
Michael: Thanks for having us.
Deirdre: Thanks.
Dr. Lisa: Now, the reason that you’re here is because Kevin Thomas, the publisher of Maine Magazine, saw that you had been adventuring, which I think you do on a pretty regular basis, a yearly basis, and got in touch with you, Michael, and said, “Congratulations for making this work,” and you got back to him. This, I’m kind of paraphrasing, but you got back to him and said, “You know, it is. It’s a very deliberate thing. We’re not lucky to do this, we’re fortunate. We’re not lucky to do this, but this is a very conscious decision on our part,” because you have children. You have children. You have a restaurant. I know, Deirdre, you’ve opened the Artemis Gallery, so you have a lot going on. You’ve consciously decided to live your life in a very different way.
Michael: Yes. I remember that conversation with Kevin. In the business that we’re in at the gallery and at the restaurant, we meet a lot of people and they inquire about, “Well, what do you do in the winter? What goes on in the off-season?” When we tell them, oftentimes, they’ll remark, “Oh, you’re so lucky. That’s so great that you get to do that.” We’ve kind of structured our life, even before we had our children, around that seasonality.
It isn’t for everyone, but we made that decision that it was for us. We tried it and decided that we liked it, I guess, and then made the decision to keep going with it. We’ve certainly had to make changes on our destination, but part of the reason Havana is Havana is because it almost always has been Latin America that we’ve fallen in love with and travelled to, and so we’ve kept it up. Yes, with the children, it’s become more complicated, but it’s working for us so far.
Dr. Lisa: How old are your children?
Deirdre: Three-and-a-half and seven.
Michael: Almost.
Deirdre: Yes, in a few days.
Dr. Lisa: Give me a little bit of this history about these winter travels and why you chose to go to the warmer climates.
Deirdre: Well, it’s cold in Maine in the winter. That’s one. But, with the seasonality of the businesses, it allows for a longer break than just your typical two weeks. So, it gives us time to really travel into places where we can really explore, and we’ve both fallen in love with Central and South America. We did a lot of travels to Brazil for a number of years.
But, since having the children, we’ve kind of had to keep it a little bit closer, so we’ve been heading down to Mexico ever since our first daughter was born. We started in Tulum, and we loved it and the beach. But, then spending a couple of months on the beach can almost get a little tiring in itself, so we did some roadtripping, and we ended up going into the Mountains of Chiapas and really fell in love with San Cristobal de las Casas. Yes, and it keeps calling us back.
Michael: That’s a point that we’ve been fortunate that we’ve had that not just two weeks, that it’s been a stretch. So, we’ve always gone to the same place. For a while, as Deirdre said, it was Brazil, and we always went to the same island up in the Northeast part of Brazil, and we would stay there for two or three months. Of course, what’s nice about that is you’re really building your life there. You’re not just a tourist or a guest there, you’re really living there. For the four or five years we were there, we watched people have children. We watched people get married. Actually, two friends of ours from Maine went there to get married.
Deirdre: And, start really connecting and becoming familiar with a lot of the people that lived there, year-round, as well. So, it’s just nice to then start being a part of another community.
Dr. Lisa: Now, the children … So, they’re, you said, seven and three. How do you think that this has impacted them in a way that’s different than kids who, year-round, might live in Bar Harbor or another part of Maine or some other part of the World … that are always in the same place? How has this, maybe, impacted their mindsets or their …
Deirdre: Well, I think we’re hoping that it’s expanding. I mean …
Michael: It’s very different between the two, of course, just because a three-year-old thrives wherever they are, right?
Deirdre: Yes.
Michael: In whatever room, they’re going to find something fun to do and outside in whatever country. By the time we left Chiapas this past year, Juno, our youngest, said, “I don’t want to go back to Maine.” She was ready to stay. Whereas, the older one, Zoe, really said, “I think we should skip Mexico next year. We should just do one winter in Maine because I really want to iceskate,” which was her stand-in for, “I think I’m not enjoying this as much as I was, maybe, when I was five or four.” So, it’s going to be interesting how it develops. She said, “I’m ready to go. I don’t think I want to go for that long.”
Of course, that’s a crucial time. She’s going to be going into second grade, so she’s got these really tight relationships, ever since pre-kindergarten, that she’s had. Bar Harbor is a fairly tightknit community. A lot of people in Maine think of it as this major tourism spot, and of course it is. But, it’s also, after all, a small town in Maine, and so we have a lot of really great relationships there with our friends and with the children of our friends. So, that’s going to be interesting. She did go to school there, and so did the younger girl. Juno went to a preschool that was all in Spanish of course.
Our Spanish is okay. It’s not great. We take classes, and we enjoy it. We’re not under any delusions that we’re going to be perfectly fluent any time soon, but the process of learning it is enjoyable. That’s part of, of course, why we’re there as well. It’s not just, “Hey, let’s do something neat for our children.” It’s, “Hey, let’s go on a date night two times a week,” which is fairly unheard of in the summer. So, what else about Zoe?
Deirdre: Yes, but Zoe also … She said, “Well, next year when we’re here, are we going come back and do horseback riding?” Because Zoe and I, we’re taking riding classes together once a week, and then she was riding … going to her own class once a week. But, she would talk about the future and Mexico in the future. So, I think she has incorporated into, “Okay, this is what we do,” and she is comfortable with it.
I think, with any kid, all changes are a little hard at first, but you get used to it. I think, even for myself, when I kind of was thinking of, “Oh, my goodness. I’m going to be … I got to pack. I’m going to be up in Mexico for four months,” it seemed a little intense and overwhelming. But, when I got there and being there for that long, we were like, “What? Time to go? Not ready to go. Life is really nice …”
It’s a little calmer. Things are a little slower, and that’s where that balance comes from, our hectic crazy summers, that I don’t think I’d want it different because I think Michael and I are kind of high energy and crazy. We thrive on the chaos. That kind of keeps us going and gets us more energized, in a way. So, again, like he said, it’s not necessarily for everyone. But, for us, it works. It’s just trying to find that balance in life that you always try to find with whatever situation or place that you’re living in, and I feel like we are really kind of in the right spot finding that balance and pretty happy. So, yes.
Dr. Lisa: It seems like it requires some kind of mental and emotional flexibility in order to go …
Deirdre: Definitely.
Dr. Lisa: … from up here to down there, and to go from, it sounds like, kind of intensely on as a family to maybe not so much during the working season.
Deirdre: Exactly.
Michael: I think people try to do that all the time, don’t we? Most people are trying to do that on a weekly schedule. You’re go, go, go during the week, and then, “Okay. I’m supposed to be relaxing on Sunday.” So, to me, that’s a harder adjustment to do it every single week. But, again, to each his own. This is working for us well. Although, there is a difficult adjustment period when we go there, getting ready to go there, when we arrive there, when we’re ready to depart, and when we come back. But, again, this chunk of time really works for us.
I don’t … In particular, the restaurant business of course is a pretty notoriously stressful one. I don’t think I would enjoy it, and probably still wouldn’t be in it if I was doing it 50 out of 52 weeks a year. The fact that we have an end date in sight that we can look forward to and still be excited about what we’re doing. Of course, this is true, again, of any profession … It’s tough to maintain that creativity, the passion for what you’re doing, if you’re doing it for 14 … Actually, for over 20 years, we’ve been in the restaurant business. Havana has been there for 14 years.
But, taking that break for ourselves, as well, is pretty crucial to keeping it fresh. One of the many gratifying things about that business of ours, in particular, is when people come in and say, “Geez, is this new? This has a new vibe.” That’s a good sign. Not that things that have an old vibe aren’t … a 100-year-old place. But, that people think it’s fresh and new, and that that passion is still evident, and that they can sense it. Certainly, taking a break makes that difference for us. We do work while we’re there.
Just backing up on your question of the history of it, again, we always had travelled. We checked out the beach, as Deirdre said, and then made our way up into the mountains and really found this place. Of course, it had been discovered several thousand years earlier by Mayan people, and then by the Spaniards 500 years ago. But, whenever you find that place, you kind of think of it as yours. You discovered it. It’s a beautiful colonial city, and it really suits us. The other dichotomy of it, for us, is not just the work leisure time, which is dramatically reversed when we’re there, but also small town versus it’s a city of 150,000. So, we’re getting that aspect as well.
Deirdre: Yes. There is a lot of extracurricular activities that Zoe did while we were there. She was taking violin classes, singing classes. We did horseback riding. She was in air dancing. So, there was stuff. There was always something to do. There were people that we were able to meet up with from the past couple of years of going back there, and family picnics. Yes, there’s great Yoga classes there that I enjoyed. I mean, it was … and our Spanish classes, and going back to the same Spanish teacher we’ve had for the past three years, which is kind of a neat connection to make. So, it’s, yes, it’s nice to keep on building on that.
Dr. Lisa: We’ll return to our program in a moment. On the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast, we’ve long understood the important link between health and wealth. Here to speak more on the subject is Tom Shephard, of Shephard Financial.
Tom: Summer stress, what is it? Well, we’ve passed the days of summer when a string of very hot days induces a weary stress that makes us long for cooler days. We’ve entered that period when the stress we feel is kind of about loss, the lost opportunity to go places and see things and do things that just don’t fit into the hustle and bustle of fall and spring … or the hibernation and celebration of winter. Summer is often a quiet time for reflection, a chance to cull and weed through habits, and discard old and replace with new. In that sense, it’s like a long, drawn out New Years.
The stress you may feel as fall approaches may be from a sort of induced desire to go and see. When, really, what summer was supposed to be about was to stay and just be. If you didn’t do it perfectly, you’ll look back with some wish to have spent time and money differently. You’ll be thinking about planning for next summer, which the ideas are still fresh in your mind. You’ll balance trying to capture and install tradition into the summer while still leaving room for the new and the novel.
If you’re looking for help trying to plan for next summer, come and talk to us about how to set up your summer endowment. Call us at Shephard Financial, (207) 847-4032, and we’ll help your summers evolve with your money.
Male: Securities offered through LPL Financial, Member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advice offered through Flagship Harbor Advisors, a registered investment advisor. Flagship Harbor Advisors and Shephard Financial are separate entities from LPL Financial.
There was a time when the apothecary was a place where you get safe, reliable medicines carefully prepared by experienced professionals, coupled with care and attention focused on you and your unique health concerns. Apothecary by Design is built around the forgotten notion that you don’t just need your prescriptions filled. You need attention, advice, and individualized care. Visit their website, apothecarybydesign.com, or drop by the store at 84 Marginal Way, in Portland, and experience pharmacy care the way it was meant to be.
Dr. Lisa: Now, the both of you really have to get along very well together in order to do this sort of thing because not only are you in these two … I mean, I’m assuming.
Deirdre: Yes. You get along all right. I think it’s been, what, almost 20 years.
Dr. Lisa: Well, but that’s something because you’re in these very high stress environments, and you’re also travelling as a family. It’s one thing to just say, “Oh, this is good for our family.” But, I mean, you’re together in a culture that is different than yours, speaking a language that’s not your own. You kind of have to be each other’s best friends.
Deirdre: Yes.
Dr. Lisa: So, how has this worked, as far as your relationship has been concerned, over the last 20 years? What kind of an impact …
Michael: Mostly always. But, of course, not always.
Deirdre: Yes. But, I mean, that’s anywhere you are and anything. Nothing’s ever going to be perfect, but …
Michael: Yes. But, I would agree at least that it’s even more difficult. I mean, driving a car across the continent of Mexico, or the country of Mexico, from the Caribbean side all the way over to the Pacific Ocean with two kids in the backseat is definitely stressful on our relationship. But, it can build on it as well. Particularly, again as we were mentioning, we had more date nights in the last …
This past time, when we were in Chiapas and San Cristobal, we had brought a friend of ours, but someone that we didn’t know that well. She had been a babysitter of good friends of ours. She graduated from the [inaudible 00:20:21]. She was kind of looking for something. We said, “Well, why don’t you come down and act as the nanny/teacher, really, for our oldest daughter.” She was fantastic, and she also gave us two nights out a week, Tuesdays and Fridays, which really was pretty special. We were joking. It’s not really a joke. The three-hour drive down here today is the most time we’ve talked in the last eight weeks.
Deirdre: It’s been … yes.
Michael: And, that’s a challenge.
Deirdre: Yes, definitely. I mean …
Michael: When the only thing you’re communicating to each other is little bits of information about what …
Deirdre: The kids did or …
Michael: … what’s going on.
Deirdre: … who’s where or whatever. But, yes, it’s … That was nice. Julie was a great addition and was the only way that … I know I couldn’t personally homeschool Zoe. Unfortunately, with the amount of time that we are in Chiapas for those four months, it’s hard to enroll her in a school because once you start getting there, to the point where the language is, I guess, it’s easy for her to be in school that we would leave. But, the real time that they say is …
Michael: Right.
Deirdre: Probably, it’s about eight months, so …
Michael: All of the experts told us the same thing, that there’s a switch that clicks at about … depending on the child, of course, and depending on the age, of course, as well. But, for four, five, six, seven, eight-year-olds, it’s about eight or nine months, and we’re only there for three or four months. Then, what the experts tells us, “Oh, that’s the suffering time.”
Deirdre: Yes.
Michael: That’s the time when your child’s saying, “Why am I here? Why are you doing this to me? I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t understand anything the teachers are saying.” So, that’s been difficult with the six-year-old. The three-year-old, we think, is going to be better.
Dr. Lisa: Is it kind of like putting money in the relationship bank, whether it’s your relationship or your relationship with your children? Where, you spend these months intensely on and you’re saying, “Look. I’m building a solid foundation.” Then, when you get back and you’re dealing with the restaurant or you’re dealing with the art gallery, you’re able to say, “You know, I know that my relationship with my kids is pretty rock solid. My relationship with my spouse, you know, of course there’s always challenges, but it’s pretty solid.”
Deirdre: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Dr. Lisa: Is that an …
Michael: I think it’s a great analogy. Not just putting the money in the relationship bank that we did back in January, February, March, April, but I now have a deposit to get me through the summer. So, in other words, I can say to Zoe … and we do. We say, “Listen. I’m sorry I can’t be home to read you a book tonight. But, you know, remember, last winter, I was there every single night cuddling up, reading books, bedtime books,” because with the restaurant business, Deirdre really is a pretty amazing …
Deirdre: Single mom.
Michael: … single mom for four months, and particularly at bedtime and dinnertime and all that, and it’s really tough. So, I have that. Then, I also can say, “This is something we can look forward to as well.” So, yes, it’s a good analogy for me.
Dr. Lisa: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Do you feel like there’s an advantage to the way that you’re doing this from … I know I’ve been talking to the both of you. I guess, I’m specifically going to ask you this, Michael, from a father standpoint. Because I’ve spoken to a lot of men who have kind of regrets, and I guess women too actually. I’ve spoken to women and men who have regrets about not spending enough time with their children, but it seems like we’re more culturally … It’s culturally more okay for men to not spend as much time with their children. But, it’s really not okay. It’s really not okay with the men any more than it would be okay with the women. Do you feel like you’re at somewhat of an advantage in this case?
Michael: Being slightly competitive, I measure these things. I don’t sit down and do a spreadsheet on them, but I definitely think of, “What if I were a nine-to-five guy?” Which is great … They get the night time back unless they work late, which a lot of nine-to-five guys end up doing because they’re busy, as we all are. So, when I say I measure it or be competitive, I think to myself, “Could I be doing something differently where I was spending more time, where I was home at night, where I was home every night?” But, I think … We say how busy we are in the summer, but what’s really …
Deirdre: There is some flexibility though, I find, with Michael that he can all of a sudden say, “All right. You know what? It’s 2:30, 3-o’clock. Zoe comes home from camp or whatever,” or we’re coming home from the beach, and he’s like, “Hey, let’s run out and catch frogs or whatever,” and you can. I mean …
Michael: And, I can take them to camp in the morning. I can take Zoe …
Deirdre: He does.
Michael: … to her art camp in the morning. So, I think I’m probably spending more time, including if I measure the winter out … if I were to measure it out … than the average nine-to-five job. So, I’m pretty satisfied with that. That doesn’t mean, in the summer, I don’t … Yes, I don’t say to myself, “Geez, this is not working. I really want to be there right now.” That said, when I am there, those first couple weeks down in Mexico can be a little trying. I’m going from … not zero hours, but a minimal amount of time. All of a sudden, I’m going from 24/7 I am with my … There is no work to do. “Hun, I’d love to help. I’ve got to go to work right now. I’m sorry.”
Deirdre: No. There’s no restaurant to run off to.
Michael: There’s none of that. There’s nothing to run off to, and it’s an adjustment period, for sure, every year.
Deirdre: I mean, that’s like with …
Michael: But, you acknowledge it.
Deirdre: Yes, yes, yes.
Michael: Probably better than I do.
Deirdre: Yes, transition…
Michael: I don’t like to acknowledge it. I joke about it, but I don’t … I don’t … Yes, it’s a tough time.
Deirdre: I mean, any transition … With the ways that our life is, of this busy time, and then the kind of Chiapas time, everything … There’s always a transition no matter what with anything, with everything, with them, with us. So, I mean, when you move from one way of life to another, you always … We just maybe have more transition times that we’re dealing with than, maybe, the average person of going off to their two-week vacation. I don’t know.
Michael: Well, see, I would disagree. I think we have less.
Deirdre: Less?
Michael: Less transition times because I think a lot of people … and we have plenty of our own. But, their transition time is almost every weekend. They get done their work week …
Deirdre: Yes, but that becomes a pattern maybe?
Michael: … and it’s a transition time into the weekend.
Michael: Yes. It can become a pattern where you’re not analyzing it as much. That’s true. But, I don’t know. I think we … Our transitions are bigger. They’re more dramatic. They’re more emotional. But, I think, in a way, there are fewer of them over the course of a 12-month year.
Deirdre: I see.
Michael: But …
Deirdre: More analyzing.
Dr. Lisa: This will give you something to talk about …
Deirdre: There you go.
Dr. Lisa: … as you’re driving your three hours back to Bar Harbor today. I do love the dialogue. I love the back and forth, and I can see that it would be an interesting way to continue to maintain creativity. I mean, I know that Michael, with you, it’s Havana, and now you also have the Artemis Gallery. So, talk to me about how it is that these trips actually lead to more creative impulses, whether it’s in the area of the restaurant or the art gallery? How do these things inspire you? How does going to Mexico for two to four months, how does this enrich your own lives as individuals?
Michael: I think the romantic notion is that you’re coming out with these amazing ideas while you’re sitting at a little café in the historic center of the old city. But, part of it really is just having the time.
Deirdre: Yes.
Michael: Not being in the grind, not being in the 24/7. When you don’t have time, you just have time to put out the fires, right? Or, mop up the floods.
Deirdre: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Michael: Which my week has been occupied with this past week. So, I think part of it is just giving yourself that time … is giving yourself that downtime and letting your brain function in that creative way. Certainly, and within that is just making those lists, right? Just saying, “All right. I’m going to make some notes here about what I could do better at the restaurant, or what was going wrong last year, or what kind of new restaurant we might want to do.”
Deirdre: Yes. I think that is a good way of looking at it. It’s definitely just the downtime to … Or, when we’re out or talk … Just allowing for conversation and your brain to just kind of take off and go. Or, yes, sure, maybe you may stumble across a really cute little restaurant or something and be like, “Oh, that’s so cute. That would work great in Bar Harbor,” and, “Oh, la-da-da-da-da.” But, it just allows for that flow and for, like you said, your mind to kind of have that time to kind of expand and create.
Dr. Lisa: Now, Deirdre, you have artists like Eric Hopkins more, I guess, rotating in and out every couple of weeks at the Artemis Gallery.
Deirdre: Yes. He was in early July. Right now, we have David Graeme Baker, and Rob Pollien, and Lisa Lebofsky. We’ll be coming up on … Our new show coming up this Friday is Tom Curry and Greg Dunham. But, we did … Every two weeks, my partner, Cody van Heedren, and I … We would turn over a new artist, and it has been a really fun summer and great.
Michael: All Maine based artists.
Deirdre: All Maine based. You are correct, yes. Maine based artists or work based on Maine … definitely supporting Maine.
Dr. Lisa: Anything new going on at Havana? I would actually agree there is always a new vibe, from what I could tell, at Havana. I love the drinks, love the food. My 12-year-old, we’re going to go back up there. She can’t stop talking about going back to Havana. She’s 12! She’s a little bit of a foodie, but she can’t stop talking about it.
Deirdre: That’s good!
Dr. Lisa: So, I agree. It’s a very … So, what else … What’s happening at the Havana?
Michael: Well, first, how do we get our six-year-old to become your 12-year-old? Because, right now, it’s peanut butter and that’s it.
Dr. Lisa: Over time, it does happen.
Deirdre: Yes.
Michael: Yes, that’s great to hear. Thank you for saying that. We do try new things every year. We try … Although, we still have Mojitos, and we won’t ever get rid of those. We still have a lot of the same folks, which is a nice continuity. We’ve got Mark Dyer behind the bar. “Duffy” is his nickname … with a big, gray beard, which probably half of Maine knows this gentleman. He’s bartended all over, but has been with us for 14 years and is a great … a master mixologist.
There’s not a lot of new things structurally. But, certainly, the menu we change every year. We change, usually, three or four times a summer. We change our sources. Although, we’re really comfortable with some of our sources. Mandala Farm, in Winter Harbor, has been constant for 10 years now … really a great producer.
Then, we’ll change some of the staff just because some don’t return. But, there’s a lot of continuity. I think the new vibe comes from the passion that you can sense when you’re there, that people care about what they’re doing. They’re not just going through the motions. They’re really excited about it, and so hopefully that’s where it comes from.
But, we’ve got a couple other restaurants, and we’ve opened one new one this year. We’ve always had several going at a time, and we’ve got a lobster pound now. Not like it was a unique idea. People have been doing it, what, the last 100 years. But, there was a nice building on Main Street in downtown Bar Harbor, so we called it the Downtown Lobster Pound.
Dr. Lisa: Well, when I’m up there, I’ll have to check that out with my 12-year-old, and I’ll have to check out your other restaurants as well. How can people find out about the Artemis Gallery and Havana and the other restaurants, the Downtown Lobster Pound?
Michael: They’re all connected on the website for Havana, havanamaine.com or rupununi.com or artemisgallery … is it?
Deirdre: Artemisgallerybh.com.
Dr. Lisa: The “B-H” is for Bar …
Deirdre: Bar Harbor.
Dr. Lisa: … Harbor.
Deirdre: You got it.
Dr. Lisa: I got it. Well, I am very pleased that you’ve taken the time to come in and speak to me today. We’ve been talking with Deirdre Swords and Michael Boland, World travelers and parents and long-time partners in travelling mischief, I should say … adventurers. So, thank you for inspiring me and for coming in and talking to us.
Deirdre: Thank you, Lisa.
Michael: Thanks very much.
Dr. Lisa: We, on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast, hope that our listeners enjoy their own work lives to the same extent we do and fully embrace every day. As a physician and a small business owner, I rely on Marci Booth, from Booth, Maine, to help me with my own business and to help live my own life fully. Here are a few thoughts from Marci.
Marci: As the end of another Maine summer slowly and sadly comes into view, I can’t help but think about the great adventures I’ve been able to share with my family and friends. We hiked, biked, tubed, and just did all that we could to get out and enjoy new experiences. Making time for those adventures can be a challenge, to say the least, especially when you have all the balls in the air to keep track of.
I talk to clients every day about this issue. I partner with them to create systems and processes, in their businesses, that give them more time to do what they enjoy doing so that the little things don’t become overwhelming. As the next few weeks pass, I have a challenge for you. Take a look at those things in your day that are obstacles, that keep you from making time for adventures, and focus on a solution to getting around them. It’s time to do less so you can enjoy more.
I’m Marci Booth. Let’s talk about the changes you need, boothmaine.com.
Male: This segment of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is brought to you by the following generous sponsors: Mike LePage and Beth Franklin of RE/MAX Heritage in Yarmouth, Maine. Honesty and integrity can take you home. With RE/MAX, it’s your move. Learn more at rheritage.com.
Using recycled sails collected from sailors and sailing communities around the World, Sea Bags designs and manufactures bags, totes, and accessories in Maine on Portland’s working waterfront. From the bestselling classic Navy anchor tote to fresh new designs, Sea Bags offers retired sails another life by turning them into handmade, one-of-a-kind nautical inspired pieces. Please visit the Sea Bags store in Portland or Freeport, or go to www.seabags.com to browse their unique collection.
Dr. Lisa: Maine is blessed … Or, at least the coast is blessed with an abundance of water upon which to sail. The individual who’s sitting across the microphone from me today, is somebody who has taken full advantage of Maine’s coastal waters, but also has taken advantage of waters elsewhere around the World and during part of this time, took his family with him. We have today with us, Cuyler Morris, who is with Morris Yachts. It’s great to have you come in and have a conversation with us.
Cuyler: Great to be here, Dr. Lisa.
Dr. Lisa: Cuyler, I was looking at the August addition of Maine Magazine and reading about the eight months that you spent on a sailboat with your family, and I simultaneously … I got envious. Also, I’m wondering about how one makes such an enormous commitment, and how one could possibly come away from that experience without feeling … without being unscathed in some way, I guess? It sounds like it was a really positive experience. But, I have my own three kids, so I don’t know. Tell me about this.
Cuyler: It was the adventure of a lifetime, and an opportunity that I felt and my wife felt we should take advantage of. I thought, if you have a skill to do something that’s adventuresome and there’s a door that kicks open in life and you can go and do that, you should really take advantage of it. That happened to us in 2006. We had a customer who had built a boat with us in 2000, and he asked us to build him another boat, and so we took this boat in trade, and we had it that summer, and I used it a little bit personally.
One evening, we were sitting at an anchorage in Eggemogan Reach, and it sort of dawned on me that this dream of taking the family to the Caribbean might be made possible on this boat. So, we talked about it pretty quickly, actually, because we left about four months later, and we just did it. Business was good. Timing was right, and we seized the opportunity and sailed south November 5th of 2006.
Dr. Lisa: Well, I used the word “unscathed,” and I guess that’s sort of a negative connotation. I don’t mean to say, like, damaging things happened to you, but I guess the word is “unchanged.” When you go on an adventure like this, even as an individual go sailing … even going by yourself for eight months, that does things, I would think, to you as a person. What does it do to the family?
Cuyler: The biggest thing is it … You’re living in a 45 by 10-foot space together, so you’re living in a much smaller space than normal. You’re having an adventure every day, whether it’s the weather or a new island or some situation that arises. When you’re in a big house or at home, a situation that an individual might have to embrace and deal with themselves become sort of part of everybody, so you deal with it together. That … It really brought us closer together as a family.
It’s interesting, just there’ll be some days we’ll be … Here we are five years past this trip, and the kids will … Some anecdote will come up and, “You remember that day that we were off of St. Vincent and we saw this fish?” Or, “Remember the time we were in the Grenadines, and we were in this anchorage, and so-and-so came by?” So, we got closer together, and those memories are definitely really seared into your minds, and they kind of come out as life happens. So, it’s neat. It was very impactful … very positively impactful.
Dr. Lisa: Your children were taken out of, sort of, the mainstream for eight months, the mainstream where they have a constant exposure … where all of our kids have a constant exposure to television and video games and being connected to each other through Twitter and through Facebook, and they really had to just focus in on the moment, and each other, and the family, and the fishes, and what was going on around in the World. What was it like for them?
Cuyler: It was .. We were definitely excited about that aspect of it. They were at the ages … Let’s see, Tom was four. Sophia was eight-ish, and Sam was almost 10. So, sort of the full impact of cell phones and all those sorts of things hadn’t really trickled into their daily lives. They were also at an age where they’re starting to become self-sufficient and reading. So, we have a library of books on the boat, and the kids read and swam, and we hiked and did hikes to forts and historic tours.
I guess, being unplugged for eight months was pretty awesome, particularly given just seeing how technology just has … seems to have such a way of getting so intertwined in our lives today, and it’s really hard to unplug. You hear it. It’s becoming a little cliché, but it’s true. It’s hard, and I think it’s really necessary. So, that was great. I would love to go back again. I’m sure there’s Wifi hotspots everywhere today, so it’s getting harder to sort of disconnect.
Dr. Lisa: Did your kids do any sort of formal homeschooling while you were travelling?
Cuyler: We had sort of plans, in particular, for Sam being in, what, sixth grade, I guess … going into sixth grade and, “Well, we’ve got to have some sort of a daily lesson plan, a homeschooling, and a little bit for Sophia.” Thomas wasn’t so necessary. It was for pre-kindergarten. We tried, and my wife, Cindy, in particular … We started out the first couple weeks trying to do a daily lesson plan, and very quickly realized that this adventure that we were going on was going to be the education for the next six to eight months.
We kind of gave up on the homeschool plan, and the adventure became the education, and it’s something that … The only way to get an experience like that is to do what we did. The kids caught up when they got back home instantly. So, I think if you were … We ran into a lot of families that were doing this for two, three, or four years with older kids, teens, 12, 13. I think it gets … I’m sure it’s much more important to be sort of disciplined about homeschool and staying caught up, but we just focused on the adventure every day.
Dr. Lisa: Did your kids ever have conversations with you about their friends and missing their friends from home? Or, were they really too young, at that point, to have that kind of concern?
Cuyler: They were still too young. Sam was just starting to tip into that a little bit. But, generally speaking, they were all the right age. They were just enveloped in what we were doing every day.
Dr. Lisa: So, you describe being in a place where you made this decision pretty quickly, and then you organized it within four months, it sounds like. What was the process that you and Cindy went through? Because it’s kind of a big decision to essentially take a chunk of a year out of your life and go elsewhere.
Cuyler: I think, in some respects and reality, we did it because we didn’t have too much time to think about it. I think if you’re left with too much time to plan and organize … I was almost starting to get to the point where like, “Should we be doing this? Should I be at work? Should I be focused on other things?” So, you got to have a plan, but you also got to have a little bit of spontaneity. I think this particular adventure, for us, was probably made easy by the fact that, again, it was a sailing adventure.
I had a really strong sailing skill set, so that whole aspect of how to get there, where we’re going, all the places I’d been before was just kind of easy. So, it really took a whole dynamic off the table. We could kind of focus on, “Do we do this or not?” and, “What kind of first aid kid do we need, and who do we need to tell that we’re going to be gone?” and sort of get things organized with the business. So, I think a little bit of spontaneity was probably the little fire that kept us going.
Dr. Lisa: The goal of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour is to help make connections between the health of the individual and the health of the community. The goal of Ted Carter Inspired Landscapes is to deepen our appreciation for the natural World. Here to speak with us today is Ted Carter.
Ted: We live in a very coarse and ugly World today. The media surrounds us with a constant barrage of predatory commercials, murders, chaos, economic peril, wars … on and on. John O’Donohue, one of my favorite theologians, writes, “Even amidst chaos and disorder, something in the human mind continues to seek beauty. Land and landscape offer this refuge.”
When I work with clients, I always envision how these lovely landscaped areas will offer a home to all those that enter, that will help soothe them and make them whole once again. Refreshed and balanced, they can now return to the harsh, demanding World that awaits them beyond this magical oasis.
I’m Ted Carter, and if you’d like to contact me, I can be reached at tedcarterdesign.com
Male: We’ll return to our program after acknowledging the following generous sponsors: Dr. John Herzog of Orthopedic Specialists in Falmouth, Maine. At Orthopedic Specialists, ultrasound technology is taken to the highest degree. With state-of-the-art ultrasound equipment, small areas of tendonitis, muscle and ligament tears, instability, and arthritic conditions can be easily found during examination. For more information, visit orthocareme.com or call 207-781-9077.
Dr. Lisa: At the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast, we believe we are helping to build a better World with the help of many. We like to bring, to you, people who are examples of those building a better World in the areas of wellness, health, and fitness. To talk to you today about one of these, fitness, is Jim Greatorex, the president of Premier Sports Health, a division of Black Bear Medical. Here is Jim.
Jim: Do you lack the bounce in your step that you used to have? Does your job put you on your feet a lot? Find out why more and more people are turning to compression socks, and regain their energy and their bounce. At Black Bear Medical Sports Health Division, we carry all of the major brands. Come into our showroom on Marginal Way, get some socks, and re-energize your life.
I’m Jim Greatorex, president of Black Bear Medical. Come on in and see our trained staff down at 275 Marginal Way and at www.blackbearmedical.com.
Dr. Lisa: Describe the journey that you took. You do this, somewhat, in the Maine Magazine article. You talk about, sort of, where you ended up going. Describe the journey and some of your favorite destinations along the way.
Cuyler: Well, we left our boatyard, in Northeast Harbor of the Morris Yachts Boatyard Northeast Harbor, November 5th, which is just kind of right at the … right in the middle of the departure window of boats leaving from the Eastern Seaboard to get to the Caribbean for the winter. Whether it’s private boats or charter boats, that’s sort of people start leaving end of October through November … post hurricane, pre-winter in New England. I did the leg to Bermuda with a bunch of sailing mates, friends of mine. Sailing across the Gulf Stream is always an adventure and one I thought that my family would best experience in the springtime, not in the fall.
So, sailed to Bermuda, and it was kind of funny. We actually had a good friend of mine who writes for Sail Magazine was aboard, and he … I wanted to have him come aboard. He’s a great sailor and a fun guy, but he wanted to write an article on weather routing and see how functional and accurate it was. Murphy’s Law, we got caught in a very bad storm, which was not predicted by any forecasters. So, he really got the opportunity to write an excellent story on our journey. We arrived in Bermuda safely, a little weather beaten, slightly seasick, and happy to see Bermuda, which is a fantastic island. So, you asked about destinations. I love Bermuda … a great place.
Then, my son, Sam, flew out with another friend, so sort of a crew change. Then, Sam joined us and my buddies. We sailed from Bermuda to Antigua, which we sort of made our center of effort, our home base, for the winter. I have a lot of friends there. It’s a good, sort of, sailing and boating island to be on … equipment and supplies, food. So, we arrived Antigua mid-November, and crew slowly disbanded. Most of them wanted to stay in Antigua for the winter, but decided they needed to fly home. Cindy, Sophia, and Thomas flew down.
We had Thanksgiving in Antigua with some friends, and were sort of provisioning and getting used to living on the boat, in the Tropics. I think it was December 1st, we set off South and we went down … Our goal was to head down to the Windward Islands, down to the Grenadines and Grenada, and sort of get down there quickly, and then slowly come back with the trade winds and work back up-island. We did that. We spent Christmas near Bequia, sailed around Grenada below a Latitude 12. That was kind of fun … just around the southern tip of Grenada, and spent some time, a couple days on every island from Grenada all the way to the USVI over the course of six months. But, it was great. It was a great time. I want to go back and do it again.
Dr. Lisa: Well, how would that be possible at this point? I know that your kids are 17, 14, 11, and four.
Cuyler: I know two out of four definitely would not want to go.
Dr. Lisa: I’m assuming, your older ones who have …
Cuyler: Yes. Sam …
Dr. Lisa: … school and friends.
Cuyler: Yes. Sam, he would prefer to stay in Yarmouth … Actually, Sophie talks about wanting to go. Although, she said, “Not for six months, but maybe for six weeks.” Yes, I guess that was the other reason we sort of seized the opportunity five years ago because you just … You don’t know if and when you can do it again. So, I think we’ll do it at some point in the future. We’d be lucky enough to maybe have Charlie with us and go do it for four, five, or six months, and have the kids come visit. That would be a dream. But, at this point, it’s a dream.
Dr. Lisa: Does Charlie ever talk about … I know he’s young. Does he realize that he missed out on this, and does he ever talk about this?
Cuyler: No. I mean, he hears so many stories and anecdotes from the older kids about the Caribbean. But, I don’t think, at this point, he has much of an idea of what we did.
Dr. Lisa: As a family, you had to not only get along because, you’re right, you’re on a boat. If somebody has an issue, it just has to get dealt with. People can’t just sort of storm off, and shut themselves in their room for three days the way they might if they were on land, or leave the house, or whatever. So, there’s that. But, you also had to work together in actually sailing the boat, making dinner. This is something that, I think, a lot of parents struggle with these days is, “How do you get your family to work together as a unit just to live?” How did you and Cindy approach this?
Cuyler: Again, I think the environment and this adventure kind of … It forces that teamwork mentality. You have to do it. We have to take turns doing dishes. You have to take turns doing engine maintenance. You have to take turns cleaning the bottom of the boat. You got to keep the boat clean. You’ve got to keep your space clean because we’re all living in this tight, small space together. Actually, it just sort of happens. Or, at least it happened for our family. I mean, the kids understood that these were all necessary things every day, sort of, for happy and functional sailing and for a fun adventure.
So, it just … From my perspective, it just sort of seemed to take place. You see the kids at home today, they’ve got a little bit more space than … More space, I think, as a general rule of thumb, tends to make you a little sloppier about how you might take care of it. But, they still have got that memory, and they’re great kids. I think that’s one of the, sort of, lessons that they still carry through every day and hopefully forward in life.
Dr. Lisa: Do you think that your 2006, eight-month adventure with your family, with Cindy and your three kids then, do you think that that set the stage for them to understand the sort of joy of sailing that you have yourself?
Cuyler: I think they definitely … They definitely appreciate it. They’re great sailors, and they’re great kids. In some respects, I think they feel like, at that age, they almost got a lifetime of sailing in. I mean, they were on a boat for eight months, so their interests are going in other directions now. But, they have an excellent foundation in sailing. Should they choose to return to it or participate in it partly in life, they’ll be very happy and confidently able to do so.
Dr. Lisa: For people who are interested in reading more about the Morris family adventures aboard their sailboat, I encourage them to pick up your August copy of Maine Magazine and read this beautiful article. Your children are lovely. Your wife is lovely. It seems as though you are embracing this Maine life that we all hope to embrace ourselves. So, thank you for coming in and talking about your family adventures today.
Cuyler: Thanks, Dr. Lisa.
Dr. Lisa: You have been listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast, Show Number 103: Family Adventures. Our guests have included Michael Boland and Deirdre Swords and Cuyler Morris. For more information on our guests, as well as extended interviews, visit doctorlisa.org. The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is downloadable for free on iTunes. For a preview of each week’s show, sign up for our e-newsletter and Like our Dr. Lisa Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter and Pinterest, and read my take on health and wellbeing on the bountiful blog, bountiful-blog.com.
We love to hear from you, so please let us know what you think of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. We welcome your suggestions for future shows. Also, let our sponsors know that you have heard about them here. We are privileged that they enable us to bring the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour to you each week. This is Dr. Lisa Belisle, hoping that you have enjoyed our Family Adventure Show. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day. May you have a bountiful life.
Male: The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is made possible with the support of the following generous sponsors: Maine Magazine; Marci Booth of Booth Maine; Apothecary By Design; Premier Sports Health, a division of Black Bear Medical; Dr. John Herzog of Orthopedic Specialists; Mike LePage and Beth Franklin of RE/MAX Heritage; Ted Carter Inspired Landscapes; and Tom Shephard of Shephard Financial.
The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is recorded at the studios of Maine Magazine at 75 Market Street in Portland, Maine. Our executive producers are Kevin Thomas and Dr. Lisa Belisle. Audio production and original music by John C. McCain. Our assistant producer is Leanne Ouimet. Become a subscriber of Dr. Lisa Belisle on iTunes. See the Dr. Lisa website or Facebook page for details. Summaries of all our past shows can be found at doctorlisa.org.