Transcription of Love Maine Radio #337: Hannah Cooke and Tracy Guerrette
Speaker 1: You are listening to Love Maine Radio, hosted by Dr.Lisa Belisle and recorded at the studios of Maine Magazine in Portland. Dr. Lisa Belisle is a writer and physician who practices family medicine and acupuncture in Topsham. Show summaries are available at lovemaineradio.com.
Lisa Belisle: This is Dr. Lisa Belisle and you are listening to Love Maine Radio, show number 337, airing for the first time on Sunday, March 4th, 2018. Today we speak with Athlete and Portland resident, Hannah Cooke, founder of the Bowdoin Athletes of Coalition of Bowdoin College, and elite runner, Tracy Guerrette winner of last year’s Maine Marathon, who hopes to qualify for the 2020 Olympics. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1: Portland Art Gallery is proud to sponsor Love Maine Radio. Portland Art Gallery is the city’s largest and is located in the heart of The Old Port at 154 Middle Street. The gallery focuses on exhibiting the work of contemporary Maine artists and hosts a series of monthly solo shows in its newly expanded space, including Ingunn Joergensen, Brenda Cirioni, Daniel Corey, Jill Hoy, and Dave Allen. For complete show details, please visit our website at artcollectormaine.com.
Lisa Belisle: Bowdoin College student, Hannah Cooke, is the founder of the Bowdoin Athletes of Color Coalition, which brings together student athletes of color to discuss their experiences of playing sports. Thanks for coming in today.
Hannah Cooke: Thank you for having me.
Lisa Belisle: At least for today, this is not a long travel for you because you were born and raised in the city.
Hannah Cooke: No. It should’ve probably been shorter if I could find parking.
Lisa Belisle: Yes. Yeah. Well, the whole snow thing is kind of throwing us off a little bit.
Hannah Cooke: Absolutely.
Lisa Belisle: Yeah. But you lived in Maine a long time, so you know it’s like snow on the city streets. Right?
Hannah Cooke: Oh, absolutely. But I did live mostly outside of the city growing up, so snow in the streets was not as much of a problem because we had driveways. But yeah, snow is definitely a problem.
Lisa Belisle: Tell me about that. Tell me about growing up here in Maine.
Hannah Cooke: Well, so to be honest, now going to Bowdoin, I’ve thought way more about my experience growing up in Maine. I grew up kind of like North Deering area, so kind of like suburbia, very predominantly white. And for most of my education career, childhood, I was one of the few people … One of the only people of color in my class. Until middle school, I think I was the only one. And growing up, I don’t think that had at first really made a huge … I wasn’t thinking about it, really. I think the first time that I actually thought about being different was when I was in the third grade. We were playing man hunt or something and I remember there was a comment made about me being a person of color and not wanting me on a specific team. And I was pretty shocked because I had never even thought about how my race would be significant in any kind of way. I didn’t even really think about being different.
And I think that the response from a lot of the kids, for not knowing much about race, was, “What? That sounds crazy.” But no one really knew how to articulate anything. And that experience for me was the first time I started to think about my race growing up because I did live in such a white neighborhood, and my family is biracial, so my mom is also from rural Maine and my dad’s from Jamaica, so it’s a very interesting cultural mix within my house. But then I didn’t realize how different that was comparatively.
But I think growing up for me, actually sports became a place for me to kind of move beyond what I think now was a feeling of a little bit being different in a lot of ways. And it was a place where there was no talk that could really … It’s hard to explain. I still try to articulate it. A lot of my actual academic career has been me soul searching to understand my childhood and how I’ve gotten to the place where I am. But I think that I had a tough time fitting in with my neighborhood, and not just because of my race. But I do think just like culturally, coming from the family I did, was extremely open minded. And not to say that other people were not open minded, but I don’t think there was a recognition of what it meant to be a person of … Like a woman of color too, like a girl who was black in a white space, which in our gender has such a role in it too, and how that influences how you’re perceived.
And again, not articulating this at that age growing up. But I think that sports was a place for me to kind of feel like nothing else beyond my feeling of almost otherness at times really mattered. There’s nothing someone could say that could take away from me beating them, so I became extremely, extremely competitive. And I was always competitive, but I think that sports was a very special space for me growing up to kind of move beyond all those other things and find a kind of way to empower myself by working hard and then being successful, and then having that it became a big part of my identity. But that also did change a lot when I went to school. But yeah, I think growing up in Maine, though, was a great experience, very safe and certainly a lot of communities, different communities that I felt very a part of, and a lot of them were connected to sports I think.
Another thing I think about, I played basketball and soccer growing up, and soccer is a completely different demographic of people compared to basketball. And I think that I ended up choosing basketball, actually, and I was pretty successful at both of them, and very competitive with both. But when I got older, I started to feel a little bit more like basketball was the sport that I loved more, but now when I look back, I feel like basketball was actually a space where I just felt more connected with the people who I was playing with. And through my independent research project, which was on race and gender in American sports specifically, and that really focused on culture of sports and how that culture is a reflection of class attitudes and where people are coming from with their experiences outside to it. They bring in those values and that creates a kind of culture and expectations on a different team. And I felt, I think, more connected because there were so many people of color playing basketball, especially in Portland where there actually is. Those communities do exist more than outside of Portland.
And so that, in my mind I chose basketball because that’s what I wanted to play. But I think so much more of it had to do with the people that I was surrounded by and how I felt just a little bit more like I could connect with people on a different way that I didn’t always have growing up a lot younger in my community. But I definitely lived a privileged life and I’m very grateful for all that I had growing up. But when you’re forced to think about who you become and how your life experiences did shape you, I think that I certainly was shaped by being one of the few people and few girls of colors especially, in my class growing up.
Lisa Belisle: What was your intention when you founded the Bowdoin Athletes of Color Coalition? What were you trying to do?
Hannah Cooke: I’m not exactly positive I knew what I was trying to do. It was kind of a variety of things that kind of came together at the right time. One of my best friends was a leader on our student athletic committee and she’d heard about this program that Tufts was doing, which is an athletes of color group as well. And it was at the same time I was doing my research project and really engaging with these issues at a much deeper level. And then I started, because of my research project, thinking about again how sports had influenced my own life growing up and what kind of purpose it had served for me, and then how that purpose … It changes the whole demographic of who you are teammates with, and who that community is changes when you get to college, especially at an elite institution such as Bowdoin, where’s there’s probably a smaller proportion of even people of color on the athletic teams, which is ironic considering most people … Across the nation, a lot of people of color do play sports, even in Maine. But also, Bowdoin is 90% from out of state.
So I was curious as to how that change in demographic changed people’s experiences, how it changed the culture of the sport, because my research prior had said to me that basically all of those different intersecting identities had contributed to creating a particular culture, and that had attracted me to it. But then what happens when that culture changes for other people too? Like for myself, I was like, my freshman year I was the only person of color on my basketball team, which was one of the first times that had ever happened to me, even being someone from Maine. So I thought, “Well, how does that change how the culture had been created on my college team?” And was that significant in any way? And then I thought. Well, my change, being from someone who’s very familiar with predominantly white places and communities, I thought that if there was any … Like, I had thought about it being challenging in different ways for me, then for someone who is going to an even more different in significant ways, the demographics team for example.
I had a friend who was from Georgia and played soccer. And he was on a team that was almost all black and now he’s on a team that’s almost all white. So how does that change his experience or their experience because it’s such an intimate space? And you work your whole life, a lot of people do in college, to be good at that one place. And you have a particular kind of community that you’re used to supporting you or being around and having those relationships. And a team, you don’t choose your relationships. And a lot of times we get so lucky to meet the people that we do. But it’s also, you don’t choose those people who are on your team. They’re chosen for you. So it changes the dynamics of the relationships, and I wanted to see if that had any impact on how people adapted to not only a new school, which has an entirely different culture in itself, but then also a team where you spend so much time and a lot of intimate relationships are formed. Like, how did that influence how those relationships were formed? And how people dealt with challenges.
I know there are a lot of affinity groups at Bowdoin and I had been to some of the meetings and realized that it was the way that sometimes conflict was dealt with, whatever kind of where that falls on the spectrum of microaggression to macroaggressions. But a lot of times it’s easier for other people to just avoid the situation or to just not be friends with people who kind of rub them the wrong way. And that is just not the same with being on a team. And that’s a beautiful opportunity to help people learn and to coexist with people who you’re not used to being around, but it also requires a different way to deal with conflict. And sometimes that can be challenging and isolating if you’re on a team that is so different than what you’re used to being on.
And the same thing with coaches, having coaches that come from different places, different people to look up to, or who understand or perceive you and how you act just differently. And I never really think that it’s a malicious thing. I think that at Bowdoin, across the board there is so much willingness and very little malicious intent that ever happens when adversity arises. But at the same time, that is not an excuse to not learn from things that do make other people feel other and different and isolated at times. So I knew that if I, again, was having some kind of experience that was challenging to me, especially coupled with trying to learn so much about my history and America’s history, a part of America’s history, which I feel like is not taught in schools until you seek it out, like college. I did not go into college thinking I was going to be in Africana studies as one of my majors.
And as I took a couple, I took one class my advisor begged me to because I said I might be interested in it. And from then, I’ve just been … It’s had such an impact on my life because I feel like there’s so much more that I know about not only myself, but about other people and how they interpret and perceive other people and other situations and different communities that they’re not necessarily from. So with that, just a perfect storm. And I decided that I was going to talk to the athletic director about starting some kind of group to get people to perhaps explore and self reflect on their own experiences. And that’s initially how it began, and then I got a lot of great feedback from people who started to join the group. And then I knew it was important because so many people had expressed that this was a space that they didn’t know that they needed, as I don’t think I did initially, but then was very valuable to have to kind of throw out feelings that you’ve had or questions about certain experiences that you’re not necessarily sure how to articulate in that moment, or even long term.
And sometimes you look back and you’re just like, “Okay. I actually think that this has had an impact on me. I would like to change X, Y, and Z.” And then to have a group of people who can share those experiences or relate to them is really meaningful and not feeling kind of that whole sense of otherness. And from there, working with the athletic director and creating programs and initiatives to work on making those feelings happen less and to get teams and coaches and individuals just more self aware of how they create culture on their team and how they create those relationships and how to recognize that maybe you are an athlete on the court, on the fields, on the rink, wherever it may be. But you’re still, your identity as a person of color doesn’t change. Same with gender, that has to do with it. It doesn’t change when you’re playing. And then when you’re outside of the sport, you don’t always lose the things that you’re dealing with when you come on to the court, or again, whatever space it might be.
And I think my freshman year that became really significant, something very significant that I had thought about. And there was a lot of police brutality instances that happened with young people. And I had actually, I had gotten pulled over in Brunswick, and I got out of the car because apparently … There was this whole fiasco. I apparently had missed … I got a speeding ticket. Not really proud about that, but it wasn’t that bad. But I had gone away. I went to boarding school, and so we had missed some payment. It was like a five, like some really small fee for the court fee that we just didn’t. I didn’t see the mail because I was away. And my mom owns her own business, so she didn’t see the piece of mail if it came. We’re not really sure. We weren’t notified about it afterwards, and so my license had been suspended, and I had no idea. And I was like, “Oh my gosh.” I never break rules. So I’m like, “I’m really so sorry. I had no idea.”
But then the police officer had asked to take pictures of me because he didn’t want me to sue him for beating him … For saying that I had been beaten by him. And I’m biracial, so I’m actually relatively light, which is a whole nother identity that you can get into at a different time. But I was very just taken aback by, oh my gosh, this person sees me as someone who’s capable of accusing him of doing harm to me just because I was a person of color. And at that time, people of color all across cities were having trouble with cops. And I have no natural animosity towards cops. But I think that experience, and then going back to my teammates, I did not know how to talk about that with them because I didn’t think that anyone would know where I was coming from.
And I think that I had mentioned it to one or two team mates, and kind of the response was something like, wow, I can’t believe that happened. But that was kind of it. And so that was tough. And that was my freshman year. I didn’t even do this until my junior year. But that was an experience that resonated with me as being something like my teammates were my closest friends and that’s a very intimate space. And those would be the people that I would want to maybe talk to about something like that. And I didn’t know how to. And so I thought that was an extreme example, but there’s got to be other people who are having different experiences in and outside of their team that impact how they are, how present they are, and how they talk about or deal with different challenges on that team as well.
Lisa Belisle: One of the things that you mentioned was the idea of not being able to avoid conflict. And you used the word intimate space when it comes to playing sports, and I think that’s absolutely the case, that you’re on a court. Say if you’re in basketball and you’re in a locker room. And whether it’s your teammate or the member of the opposite team, you can’t avoid facing this person. But this is the way that we have dealt with conflict, I think fairly consistently for quite a while in this country, is to just pretend that it doesn’t exist.
Hannah Cooke: Yeah. Yeah.
Lisa Belisle: And maybe marginalize people that we don’t agree with. How do conversations about that happen in your group? How do you talk about actually having to face this conflict and not run away?
Hannah Cooke: Yeah. My opinion is also going to be representative of everyone else’s. But we talk about this a lot. A lot of our meetings are kind of like dialogue like in a sense that I tend to be a facilitator because I do facilitation outside of that. That’s one of my jobs on campus. But I tend to run them similarly to that and getting people to be reflective of how they deal with those instances of adversity or awkwardness and we talk through it. And I think that everyone has different ways that they deal with things based off their team and what level in the relationship they are with people who this is happening with. I think power dynamics go into it too with people like coaches.
Being from a family that is very diverse, naturally just in itself, I personally, I’m of the opinion that having one on one conversations is really beneficial because I find that very often it is not a malicious intended comment or instance that happens. And I think that bringing people, calling people in instead of calling people out has been a really effective way. And it’s hard for some people to do that because it is hard because once you acknowledge that someone made you uncomfortable, there’s no going back, and that for some people is really … It’s easier to just not deal with that person or to say, “You know what, this person is too politically correct for me to be around.”
But for me, I think that if those relationships are really worth it for me and for those people, then the work will be put in and they will be okay with that. It doesn’t always work out perfectly and I think that is one thing that I try to encourage people to look beyond in the group. It’s like, whatever you say and how you feel is not always going to come out clean and smooth and really understandable for that person. But by mentioning it and by engaging people in those conversations, especially in an intimate setting that’s not even within the whole group, it does create a space for conversation to happen and for you to be seen and validated. And I think that sometimes there is so much fear that you’re going to say something that makes someone else feel uncomfortable or hurt.
But the fact of the matter is, is that there was a reason that you needed to say that in the first place, and that’s because you also felt some type of way, hurt in some way. And so it’s like, what’s more or less important? Would you rather deal with being hurt and feeling ostracized, or would you rather challenge someone in your life who you trust or love to do better? And I think by also challenging someone else to do better, it’s more a sign that you believe that they can do it. And that’s whenever I kind of engage with friends that I’m like, “Okay, I just want to kind of address this particular thing,” which again, is very difficult to do. But I always start with the reason I’m having this conversation, the reason I’m even saying anything is because I know this wasn’t your intent and I know that as my friend, you wouldn’t want me to feel this way. And so this is why I’m saying it, and I believe that you can do better. And it’s not supposed to undermine your character or really label you as a racist or sexist person. It’s just, I need to tell you, this is how it made me feel, and I know that wasn’t your intention.
And how people respond to that, again, changes. But I really do believe that if people really do value your relationship that they’re going to listen. And I think listening is the hardest part, and really hearing what someone has to say. But by not having those conversations, I always feel like it just doesn’t help anyone because that other person, who said X, Y, and Z, can continue to do, say those things, or those incidents can keep happening, and then that other person does feel isolated or ostracized. And I think that people are much more willing than we might always give credit for to engage with these kinds of hard topics because people on both sides are scared. And I think acknowledging that fear from both sides is also really valuable.
Yeah. I don’t really know how to express this. This is how this made me feel. It’s not about you. It’s just about, this is why this made me feel this way. It’s kind of, I don’t want this to change our relationship. I just want us to be able to build a stronger relationship. And if you don’t address those things, it’s impossible to build strong relationships with individuals anywhere in or outside of the team if you’re not willing to be honest about how you feel.
Lisa Belisle: Well, I appreciate your taking time out of your very busy life. I know that you’re in your final year, and I’m sure that what you end up doing after you leave Bowdoin will continue to lead you down interesting paths. I also appreciate the fact that you have founded the Bowdoin Athletes of Color Coalition at Bowdoin College, my alma mater. I think what you’re doing is important so I appreciate it. I’ve been speaking with Bowdoin College student, Hannah Cooke. Thanks for coming in.
Hannah Cooke: Thank you so much for having me.
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Lisa Belisle: Tracy Guerrette is an elite runner, who won the Maine Marathon last October, and a former University of Maine basketball player. She is also the director of Faith Formation at St. Paul the Apostle Church in Bangor. Thanks for coming in.
Tracy Guerrette: Thank you for having me.
Lisa Belisle: We first learned about your success as a runner at the Maine Marathon. Actually, I was there and saw you up in the podium wearing your … Was it a crown of laurel or something?
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah.
Lisa Belisle: Olympian looking like that.
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. That was the best part of it all.
Lisa Belisle: Yeah. It was really great. You were very emotional about the whole thing.
Tracy Guerrette: I was, yeah. The Maine Marathon was a goal race for me. Just being from the State of Maine, I feel like it’s the marathon in the state. And I’m such a Mainer and I love our state. And so I just wanted to go down there and do really well. And so it had been my goal race this fall. And in my heart I knew I could do really well, and I trained very hard. Actually, I live in Bangor and I would drive down on the weekends and do my workouts on the course at the different points of the course, so I knew it very well.
And so, kind of secretly, I was working really, really hard at it. So yeah, you have that goal and you have the confidence to do it, and I knew I could do it. And so just to be able to run that fast. To win it, obviously was a gift and a blessing. But then to qualify, or to run the qualifying time and to run so fast, it was kind of unexpected. So yeah, I was very emotional and happy with it.
Lisa Belisle: When you actually finished, did you know that you had gotten a qualifying time for the Olympics?
Tracy Guerrette: I did. That was a goal of mine and I didn’t think I was going to run that fast that soon. And so to qualify for the Olympic trials, you have to run a sub 2:45:00 marathon. And so that was my goal, and I thought it was going to take me a couple years. And again, in my mind I had that confidence that I could do it. But to do it on that course, and it’s a very challenging course, so a lot of my friends in the running world were kind of deterring me from doing the Maine Marathon because it’s such a challenging course. And so, yeah, again I was pleased to run it that hard and to be that consistent with my mileage, and to run it that well was wonderful.
Lisa Belisle: Yeah. I’ve run that course. I’ve run the marathon now a few times, and it is very challenging, especially on the way back and there’s some pretty big hills on Route 88.
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah, surprisingly, I thought the way out was going to be hard. On and out and back, you kind of just wait for the half. You’re waiting to get to 13 and you know you can turn around and come back. Yeah, I had practiced it a bunch of times, but there’s a hill at 17, I think. Is it Tuttle Hill?
Lisa Belisle: Yes.
Tracy Guerrette: So that kind of hurts. But I knew because I’ve trained so much on it. I knew that afterward you have some sort of flat and then there is a downhill, so there’s a nice recovery after. So I thought, “Once I get to 20, it’s going to be all down hills, supposedly coming into Portland.” But I’m telling you, that last mile and a half is hard because you get onto Baxter Boulevard and you can see the finish, but you still have a mile and a half. And by that point, you’re extremely exhausted and so I think somebody videotaped me coming in, a friend of mine. And I was trying to work as hard as I could, but I was just really tired by that point. And I kept looking at him as if to say, “Stop videotaping me.” But it’s a nice footage to have coming in, but yeah, it’s challenging.
Lisa Belisle: Yeah. I think that is the worst part of that last part, is that you’re thinking, “Oh, I’m almost done.” But you’re really not.
Tracy Guerrette: You’re really not.
Lisa Belisle: It’s much further around.
Tracy Guerrette: It is much further around. You can see the finish. And your watch doesn’t lie, so I have my Garmin on and I know that I have about a couple miles left, so you’re just trying to work as hard as you can to finish.
Lisa Belisle: As perspective for people who are listening, who may not be runners, what per mile are you needing to run to do sub 2:45:00?
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. And so talking with my coach, Rob Gomez, we kind of had a plan that I would go out and do the first 13 miles at a 6:20 pace, and then the last 13 at 6:15. And so to go sub 2:45:00, it’s around a 6:17, but you don’t want to mess around. And so again, I go out too hard, so I went out at 6:12s. And on the back side it was about like a 6:19. But you need … So the focus was like 6:15, so six minute, 15 second pace per mile.
Lisa Belisle: Which is pretty fast.
Tracy Guerrette: It is pretty fast. It is. It’s funny. It’s daunting to think about as I sit here with you, but it’s amazing what your body can do when you train for it.
Lisa Belisle: You ran a lot of miles to get ready for the Maine Marathon, and then the marathon in California that you did not too long after.
Tracy Guerrette: I did, yeah. For some people, they can’t run a lot of mileage. It just really negatively affects their body. And so for everyone, you kind of have to find that sweet spot, which will benefit you, but not kind of overtrain you and hurt you. But for me, I could just run a lot of miles. And I think my body’s able to take it. And so yeah, I peaked out at 120 miles. So I would run. Through the summer I was running 80 to 90, which was not running a lot. I kind of took a step back and focused on my speed because the Beach to Beacon was a goal race of mine. And then to ramp up through the fall, it was about 100, 120 a week.
Lisa Belisle: That last part is very important. 120 per week.
Tracy Guerrette: Per week, 120. It takes a lot of time.
Lisa Belisle: You’re probably not running every single day.
Tracy Guerrette: I am. I don’t take a day off. A day off for me would be maybe an easy 10 in the morning.
Lisa Belisle: I want to just give that a moment to sink in for people who are listening. 120 miles a week, so even divided by seven, and say that 10 is your small mileage. Most days, you’re running what?
Tracy Guerrette: At least, at least 15 to 18 maybe. And so then you have that long weekend run. Like I ran 22 this past Saturday. I ran 16 on Sunday. Ran 15 yesterday. I’m hoping to get close to 20 today. And I don’t do that all at once. I double a lot. And I’m older, so it’s interesting at my age. So I’ll try to run more in the morning. But for me to get back out there and run a four or five easy couple miles in the afternoon really flushes out my legs, surprisingly. And I feel more recovered for the next morning. And so you think you’re doing a lot and you’re out there running a lot, but you’re so used to it that your body kind of craves that just to get it going again, if you could kind of wrap your mind around that, but yeah.
Lisa Belisle: Before you did this, you were a basketball player at The University of Maine.
Tracy Guerrette: I was.
Lisa Belisle: You had a whole different life as a different type of athlete.
Tracy Guerrette: I was. Yeah. I’ve played team sports all my life. I grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, St. Agatha, and we didn’t have cross country, or track, or anything. And so I just played every sport that was available to us. And basketball was the one that I kind of gravitated towards. It’s the one that I spent the most time doing through the summer and in the off season. So I’ve been playing since I was four. Playing, again, I’m a Mainer. I love the state, so playing at The University of Maine was my goal and my dream. And I was being recruited throughout New England, and division one schools, two and three. But in my heart, I wanted to play for Maine, and so yeah. Totally different mindset. Being a team sport athlete is just very different than being a runner. I find being a runner on a cross country team, it’s a team aspect, but it’s more individual. It’s been really neat to experience both team athletics and more now in my older age, becoming a runner.
Lisa Belisle: St. Agatha is not a large town.
Tracy Guerrette: It’s not.
Lisa Belisle: I mean, I’ve driven through it on the way to Fort Kent many, many times.
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. Don’t blink.
Lisa Belisle: How big is the school system up there?
Tracy Guerrette: It’s very, very small. The school system, they’re divided into different classes, and so we’re the smallest class in the state. We’re D, and very small. My graduating class was 33, which was considered a big class back then. And it’s still open. The high school is seven through 12. But I loved it. They say when we talk about a good teacher to student ratio. We had small classes, phenomenal teachers, great education. And the town is wonderful. Everybody was my friend. We grew up together playing sports together. You’re in extracurricular activities together. We all go to church together. And so it was definitely a blessing being able to grow up in such a small-tight knit town. And I didn’t know any different.
I never thought I went without. The closest Wal Mart is an hour away. That’s not a big deal. So yeah, it was just a wonderful upbringing up there, and it’s beautiful as well. I love it. It’s probably one of my best places to visit in the state.
Lisa Belisle: It is beautiful. And it’s also interesting that you were able to come out of such a small graduating high school class and play for The University of Maine, which is a division one school.
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. I keep in touch with the U of Maine coaches. I was recently an assistant coach at the University of Maine with that coaching staff. The big argument that I would have in a charitable way was, hey, even though a student athlete’s from a small town doesn’t mean they can’t play at this level. And so yeah, if there’s talent there, then they’re able to play. And I was very fortunate. I have older brothers, so I’d always play with them and they made me tough and competitive. I’d go to camps throughout the summer and I’d AAU teams. So I’d play on these AAU teams with the best players throughout the State of Maine and we’d travel throughout New England and beyond.
And so I was playing against that competitiveness, that competitive athlete, and so I knew I could play at that level. Back in the day, yeah, these teams were made up of the best athletes, like I said. So I was playing against kids from down here, from the middle of the state, and so I really feel like I was well prepared to play at The University of Maine.
Lisa Belisle: Your last name is French.
Tracy Guerrette: It is.
Lisa Belisle: And your family is very important to you.
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. They are. I’m blessed. I talk about my parents, who are still … This sounds really morbid, but they’re still alive and doing well. They’re older, and they still live in St. Agatha. But they’re saints. They really are. They’re the most selfless, generous people that I know. And so yeah, being brought up from Northern Maine, it’s very French. It’s very Catholic, very tight-knit. And so I grew up in a French speaking household, and so my parents would speak French to us as children. And what happened, and I regret this, is we would respond in English. And I think my parents regret not kind of making us speak it more in the home, and I regret not practicing more. And so I could understand it perfectly, but my confidence isn’t there when I speak it.
And I’m sure, we go to Quebec a lot, and Quebec City, and my parents are in their element. And I try to kind of practice my French when I’m there, and it helps. The more you stay there, kind of get used to speaking it. But yeah, French speaking community. And to speak with my grandparents, I’d have to converse with them in French, and it’s still very French up there when you go home, the conversations. It’s funny. We just had Christmas and if you sit there in the living room and listen to people talk, they’ll go from French to English, to French to English. And so it’s still very much alive and well. And it’s really beautiful too. A lot of the traditions of the French speaking, and just the fact that we’re Quebecois, a lot of those traditions are still very present up there as well, so that’s nice to experience when I go home.
Lisa Belisle: Even as you’re talking-
Tracy Guerrette: Can you pick it out?
Lisa Belisle: I can actually pick it out as you talk about being up there. There’s this interesting inflection that happens. It’s very specific to Northern Maine, and I know this because I spent a lot of time with people who were French speaking from Northern Maine at one point in my life. And what I found was, people would … The inflection would leave their voices, but then if they talked about being in Northern Maine, it would come back again. It’s very subtle, but I think it’s also a very different kind of French than what many people are taught in school these days.
Tracy Guerrette: You know, unfortunately that’s what’s happened. So we were all speaking this … It’s almost like it’s a Quebecois Acadian French, so it’s not your Parisian French that you would hear in France. So we’d speak it in the home and amongst each other, but then in school we would be taught the Parisian French, which is very different. Again, I just regret. I wish they would have more kind of the tangible French speaking in the schools. So we would learn the proper French from France. And so I think that kind of led to the fact that a lot of us don’t speak it anymore. It was more of a confusion than a help.
Interesting fact, though, or just interesting story. A couple years ago I went to Italy with the U of Maine basketball team. We went and we played a couple games against some professional teams over there. And when we were in Tuscany, there was a group from Bordeaux, France, and I could converse with them perfectly, so I don’t know. And they say that the French from those small towns have been preserved. And that’s where my ancestry is from and so if they came to Northern Maine, or to Nova Scotia, Acadia, and then eventually to Northern Maine, yeah. I don’t know. I could understand their dialect and we conversed very well.
A couple days later we were in Rome and there was a group from Paris, and I couldn’t understand them and they couldn’t understand me. And so it’s interesting. Isn’t it? I don’t know why that is, just the different dialects of the French. And my parents are the same, so it’s funny. Like I mentioned, when we go to Quebec City, all those little towns on the way to Quebec City that you stop in, that’s totally French. And my parents are in their element. They get all excited. And like you were saying, they sound differently. It just kind of brings something out in them as well.
Lisa Belisle: Yeah. I believe that St. Agatha was. I don’t know that I’m pronouncing it correctly.
Tracy Guerrette: It is. You are.
Lisa Belisle: Yeah. Which, I learned French in high school. My dad spoke French. His family was from Biddeford and they spoke French amongst the grandparents and the aunts and uncles. I went up to Northern Maine and I did not have any idea what they were talking about. It was so different, but it was so great because I would listen to what people would say and the names and the way they pronounce people’s last names. And I would kind of translate back, like, hmm. This inflection is so different than what I’m used to, but so interesting.
Tracy Guerrette: Right. Yeah. And I think because people were Anglicizing their names, so they’ve changed the names a little bit. You think of the people in Biddeford or Lewiston, they kind of came down from Quebec. And so again, I think just the different areas like Quebec City, the Quebecois. And then you have some people in Northern Maine, so we’re considered Acadians. Right? And the Acadians and the Quebecois, they get kind of competitive with each other. I don’t know, it’s just that you have all these different dialects and language changing over time. I love it. Again, I really think people talk about two Maines. And okay, yeah, I know we’re far up there. But it’s beautiful. There’s something really special about Northern Maine and St. John Valley.
Lisa Belisle: I absolutely agree. And before I went up there, I didn’t even realize that the Quebecois and the Acadian, they’ve very different groups.
Tracy Guerrette: Right. Very different groups. And I think within my genealogy if I look at both sides of my family, I know the Guerrettes, it’s Quebecois. And I think there is some Quebecois as well. And so you have all these different kind of trees within your family, so I have both Acadian and Quebecois. And my parents are very into history, and so every time, again, we go to Quebec a lot, we’d stop and my dad loves to visit graveyards. But he just loves the churches because you have all the historical records and things. So we’d visit churches and he’d walk through graveyards, and he just loves that, just the history and the ancestry. And so that was a big part of growing up, a big, important part of growing up for me as well.
Lisa Belisle: You’ve chosen a path that is unique these days, I would say. You currently work as the director of Faith Formation at St. Paul the Apostle Church in Bangor.
Tracy Guerrette: I do.
Lisa Belisle: And you’re going even deeper into your faith.
Tracy Guerrette: I do, yeah. The Catholic faith was just a huge part of my upbringing, just being very French and very Catholic. I joke around. Some families decorate with Pottery Barn. My parents decorated with Catholic memorabilia, crucifixes, statues, and just the things that make the faith alive in the home. So yeah, it was a very important part of our upbringing. It was instilled into me. I had a desire to give my whole life to God since a young age. It had always been a part of my life and funny enough, even as an athlete, I really believe that God used just the game of basketball and that simple thing in my life as a tool for my conversion.
And so even playing at The University of Maine, basketball helped me to grow a lot in my faith. And so I was premed undergrad. I had the aspirations of becoming a doctor. And when I graduated, I just had a change of heart. And so I was kind of like, “Great. Now what?” I took organic chemistry twice, my MCATs a bunch of times, biochem, all these just really challenging classes to prepare myself. And I was applying to medical schools, but I wasn’t sure. And so I eventually got my teaching certification and went back into teaching.
My mother had been a teacher, and so I think because she had been a teacher, I just swore not to do that. You know, when you’re young and you want to do something different. But I just really discovered I had a gift for teaching. And so I started teaching, started coaching. But still wasn’t satisfied, there was just something else that was missing. And so in 2013, I had, just after much prayer and discernment, decided to enter a religious community. So discern my religious location is the terminology, the Catholic terminology, but wanted to be a nun to give my whole life to God. And I know people could have their faith and that relationship is really important, but I just wanted to give everything.
And so I entered a convent down in Nashville, Tennessee. The sisters were teachers and that really appealed to me, beautiful community. And in the first couple years of religious life, it’s very free. So there’s no other way to discern it, if you can imagine. It’s so radical. And so the only way really is to enter the life and to truly live it. And so they allow you to do that, and so yeah. Gave up everything. Paid off my car, gave it to my parents and they kept it. Eventually gave it back to me, which was a blessing. But just gave away everything, cashed out of my 401K, that was it, and took that radical step and entered. And God really made it obvious. Living life every day, and God really made it obvious to me that I’m not called to life in that community life, that I’m called to live my faith in the world, which I think could be more challenging.
When you have the strong belief, it’s not that it’s really easy, but if you’re surrounded in this community with all the people that are like minded, it can be easier. I feel like he’s given me that spirit and that … Even my competitive nature and my passion to live my faith in the world and to make a difference for him in the world. So I left after six months and went back into coaching because I was coaching at The University of Maine at the time. And Coach Richard Barron took me back. But I still … There’s something missing.
And so at the end of that year, resigned again, poor Coach Barron. Resigned again and took this position at the church, and so I’m the director of Faith Formation. And so we have six different churches under the umbrella of St. Paul the Apostle Parish. And so I oversee all the ministries that happen, from baptism prep to little kids’ Faith Formation Sunday School, and our high schools groups, to young adult ministry, our young families groups, adults. So I kind of oversee everything in our church.
We’re a very vibrant parish because Bangor … Bangor, Hampden, Brewer, it’s all together under one umbrella, but very vibrant, and so it’s very busy, but such a blessing. And so for now, I’m very content there. But no matter what I do, I want to do something in ministry and something to serve people and to give my life so that others may have life, and to make a difference in the world in a positive way. So it’s a blessing to be able to do that, St. Paul the Apostle.
Lisa Belisle: So you used the for now, so this still isn’t what … You’re still not exactly sure. That must be so interesting.
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. I know. Are we ever though?
Lisa Belisle: Probably not.
Tracy Guerrette: Maybe it’s me.
Lisa Belisle: I don’t think it’s just you. But it is interesting, the way that you’re approaching this is, all right. I know there’s something. I’m not sure what it is. I’m going to keep kind of getting deeper into it and being patient with that process.
Tracy Guerrette: Right. And so I’m still discerning my vocation. I’m 37. I’m single. And I’m still open to whatever God has for me, whether it’s marriage or a consecrated form of life, totally giving my life to Him, and living in the world at the same time. But yeah, I don’t know. I’ve been praying a lot about where I am. And my prayer is, okay, so this is where I am. It’s almost like I have a plot of soil in front of me and I just want to till the soil and work at it with all of my heart and do the best that I can with where He has me right now. And so that’s my focus is to do the best I can and to serve the people of my parish to the best of my ability.
It’s such a blessing. I see all the people that I serve almost as my spiritual children, even the older ones. And we have beautiful families and just beautiful people, and so my heart is full. And they’re just so kind and loving to me too. But yeah, this is where he has me, and so I want to do the best I can. They say, “Bloom where you’re planted,” but I know that, that’s not it. And so yeah, maybe that’s just the way I am. It’s like, I’m here for now and then we’ll see what happens next, see where He brings me next.
Lisa Belisle: Yeah. There’s nothing wrong with that. I think it’s actually really common. But it’s unusual to hear people say that. A lot of people, the way that we are, I think, in this world, we want to go full force at whatever it is that we’re trying to … And we saying, “This is what I’m going to do forever,” or at least that’s what I hear. But you seem comfortable with this uncertainty and just doing the best you can where you are now.
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. I think God’s prepped me for it. Yeah. There’s so many things I’ve been able to do in my life. I’ve been so blessed and there’s so many things that I can do and want to do. And there’s so many desires that I have. I love to teach, maybe go back to school and study theology. There’s so many things and I just want to kind of lay them out at the foot of the cross and just be led by Him totally and just trust Him with my life. And He’s so faithful and He’s so good. It’s a continual, every day, just trust, trust where He’ll lead me and guide me.
Lisa Belisle: And at the same time, you seem to like the friction of competition. You seem to like … You’re not satisfied to just kind of hang out and do whatever. You’re like, “I’m going to go for the next thing. I’m going to try to qualify for the Olympics.”
Tracy Guerrette: Yeah. You know what’s funny about that is, Coach Richard Barron is such a wonderful man. He was the head coach at The University of Maine. He took over in 2011 and he hired me and I became his Director of Operations. And so when I resigned the second time, he said, “Tracy, you just can’t be faithful like a Catholic. You have to think about becoming a nun. You just can’t run. You have to run marathons.” And so I think it’s just a part of who I am, just it’s ingrained in me. It’s just who God has made me to be. And I’m very passionate and very competitive.
And so with running, it’s been a blessing because I’m so competitive and I need that goal and that drive, and so running’s great for that. And thanks be to God that I’m able to do it at my age, because they say since I’m late to the sport, and as women we kind of tend to do better in our mid to late 30s in endurance sports, like in the marathon. And so I’m kind of hopefully hitting my prime. Yeah. How could would it be to run in the Olympic trials, run alongside the best of the best? Not that I’m going to win it. People are cute. God bless people. They’re so sweet. They think I’m going to the Olympics and I have to explain. I’m like, “No, I’m not. I’m not going to win the race.” Oh, yeah you can. It’s only 20 minutes. I’m like, “Yeah, but these women are running like five minute miles and that’s really fast.” But people are so supportive and so sweet. But yeah, what a neat goal to have, and so that’s kind of like my next. Even though I ran the time, that’s kind of my next goal.
Lisa Belisle: So you ran in California and it wasn’t what you wanted to run. You didn’t quite qualify, but now you’re going to again for Boston in the spring.
Tracy Guerrette: That’s right. Yeah. I ran the Maine Marathon and so unfortunately we didn’t know this, and even the race director wasn’t aware that it’s not a USATF certified course. And so despite the fact that I ran the qualifying time of … I ran a 2:43, which you have to run a sub 2:45, it doesn’t quality. And so we’ve petitioned USATF and everything, and I’m still praying for a miracle. So if there’s any way anybody listening and praying for a miracle that they would take the time, just because it was my first time running it and I won the marathon, and such an emotional day.
And so then I had it in mind to run the California International Marathon and didn’t run my time. I ran a two hours and 48 minutes out there. And I think I jumped back into training way too fast. And they say it’s not very prudent to do back to back marathons and I learned the hard way. Usually, you have one in the spring and one in the fall because your body naturally can’t just peak and then come down and peak again really quickly. And being the competitor that I am, I just jumped into heavy mileage and ran 120 miles a week, 115, 110. And sadly to admit, I ran 90 even before the race. I don’t know what I was thinking. So I ran 90 the week before, which is what not to do when you race marathons. But I was very thankful to go out there. One, it was California. I ran in shorts and a T-shirt.
But it was also the USATF national championships, so the field was loaded with all these amazing professional runners. And because of my time at Maine, I was an elite athlete, and so I was considered at elite athlete in the field, and so it was really neat to be kind of treated that way, kind of dip my toes into what it feels to be taken care of and to be an elite athlete at a race. We have our own bottles on the course and we get VIP treatment. We get this special bus to the start, our own little tent next to the start. This was important, extra porta potties before the race, all those small little things that help make it easier, so that was just a blessing.
And my mother came out with me and we spent the week. So we ran the race. I went out too hard. I didn’t run my time, but I was thankful to be out there. And when I run, I look at running too, as just my time with God. And so it was a great 26.2 miles of pain and suffering and praying because I was really tired and I suffered a lot. But it was just a great time of prayer and time spend with the Lord. And then after, Mom and I were able to go to Napa Valley and visit the vineyards and do some wine testing. And then we went to San Francisco and spend some time there. So it was a gift to be able to go out there and spend that time with my mom.
So I took some time off, and yeah, so Boston is my next goal race on Patriot’s Day. And I’ve already jumped back into training. Took some good time off, and now I’m back at it. It’s funny. You can tell you’re back at marathon training because I’m constantly tired and always hungry. I’m starting to crave pancakes again and so you know that you’re getting into training, serious training. So hopefully my goal for Boston would be a sub 2:40, so hopefully I could PR and run faster and get that qualifying time at Boston.
Lisa Belisle: Well, I appreciate your taking the time out of your busy schedule and all the people that you serve, and your running, which takes up a lot of time as well. I’ve been speaking with Tracy Guerrette, who is an elite runner who won the Maine Marathon last October, and also a former University of Maine basketball player and currently the director of Faith Formation at St. Paul the Apostle Church in Bangor. I guess I can still good luck. You don’t have to say break a leg.
Tracy Guerrette: Please don’t.
Lisa Belisle: So when running, not break a leg. Good luck at the Boston Marathon.
Tracy Guerrette: Thank you.
Lisa Belisle: And I’ll be paying attention.
Tracy Guerrette: Thank you. I appreciate your time. Thank you.
Lisa Belisle: You’ve been listening to Love Maine Radio, show number 337. Our guests have included Hannah Cooke and Tracy Guerrette. For more information on our guests and extended interviews, visit lovemaineradio.com. Love Maine Radio is downloadable for free on iTunes. For a preview of each week’s show, sign up for our e-newsletter and like our Love Maine Radio Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter as Dr. Lisa and see our Love Maine Radio photos on Instagram. Please let us know what you think of Love Maine Radio. We welcome your suggestions for future shows. Also, let our sponsors know that you have heard about them here. We are happy that they enable us to bring Love Maine Radio to you each week. This is Dr. Lisa Belisle. Thank you for sharing this part of your day with me. May you have a bountiful life.
Speaker 1: Love Maine Radio is brought to you by Maine Magazine, Aristelle, Portland Art Gallery, and Art Collector Maine. Audio production and original music are by Spencer Albee. Our Editorial Producer is Brittany Cost. Our Assistant Producer is Shelbi Wassick. Our Community Development Manager is Casey Lovejoy, and our Executive Producers are Andrea King, Kevin Thomas, Rebecca Falzano and Dr. Lisa Belisle. For more information on our production team, Maine Magazine or any of the guests featured here today, please visit us at Lovemaineradio.com.